Session August 6 2016

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A network of human agents - spies and unwitting accomplices alike - would have to be recruited.
by BG

Underground headquarters had been abandoned for years. Not since the cold war era had anyone set foot in the complex, so a lot of work would have to be done to get it up and running for the new agency to move in. The land it was built on was privately owned and the ownership was buried in a network of dummy corporations. It would be pretty untraceable which would be a big plus for the agency. In these strange times, one could not be too careful when planning how to create maximum anonymity  for their secret organization. Now that the location had been selected, a network of human agents - spies and unwitting accomplices alike - would have to be recruited.

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I spend most of my time in the forest making computations of board feet.

by MD

I set out for the forest to begin making computations of board feet. After only a brief period of time, I realize I don’t even know what board feet are. (Or is.)   Is it the number of feet planted under the boardroom table?  Is it the size of the table itself?  I recognized that remaining in the forest would offer me little in the way of clues as to how to best complete my computations.  So I leashed my pet tiger “Stripes”, girded my loins in my burlap sackcloth, and headed away from the trees toward the bottom of the cliff toward the sea.  When I arrived at the roaring waves, the realization came to me - eureka!  It was as plain as the sandals on my own feet.  I quickly removed them and paddled out on the surfboard which was washed up on the sand.  Of course!  “Board feet” is surely the measurement of inches and feet between the end of the board itself and my own feet!  With a feeling of pride and accomplishment at my own intelligence, I smiled and “hung ten” as the waves brought me into the beach, where I greeted the patiently waiting “Stripes” and prepared to teach him how to perform his own computations for board feet.  Now, we return to the forest every morning,  and  I spend most of my time making computations of board feet.  Then Stripes and I return to the sea to test our calculations.  What fun! 

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There were several unused rooms in the building, any one of which could be cleared out for his purposes

By RC

Hubert was a traveler and a collector. Seriously, have you ever known any bona fide traveler who was not a collector? And Hubert had traveled all over the world. He had gone to the faraway places where no one ever went on the tourist lines, such as Fiji and Borneo. He had gone to the famous island about which Kon Tiki (Thor Heyerdahl’s book) had been written and filmed, and it was this trip which proved to be the most challenging for a collector.

It was hard enough to get his treasures back to downtown Manhattan, although New York harbor was certainly adequate for that part. But then came the gargantuan task of getting approval before the tramp steamer which brought his treasures could be unloaded. Hubert had wealth enough, and he looked for the right building. He found one just off the beaten path. There were several unused rooms in the building, any one of which could be cleared out for his purposes.  But Hubert made it clear that he intended on clearing out walls, kitchen, bathrooms, etc. as well. He had the money to pay for his renovations.

He was, in fact, right in the middle of the whole process when word came to him that he was urgently needed back at the docks. When he came, it was actually too late. I say too late, but the tramp steamer had not sunk yet with his precious cargo. Hubert got to watch as the boat went down, stern first, taking all of his huge and ancient sculptures, weighing an immense amount all together, to the bottom of the harbor.

Well, Hubert was not the type to be put off or discouraged by such things. Now, there is an underwater museum in New York harbor—since no engineer or other person could devise a method for safely resurrecting the figures—and it gathers many scuba divers from around the world. Hubert did manage to use a crane with a very long line to stand the figures upright, just as they had been on the island. It was a great attraction, because no one else had to go to the far away island to see them and they kept very well underwater. Fish swam by, and some seaweed swirled around their heads, and all together, Hubert thought it had come out fine.

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I avoid opening bills and reconciling the checkbook.

By CC

It might have ended differently, that’s true. I received a letter of warning that night, but I never opened it. That was the work of secretaries. I avoid opening bills and reconciling the checkbook, too. 

It was hard being so well favored by the Czarina. One never knew one’s true friends. It was best to assume there were none.

Yusupov’s little pastries were delicious. Ah, I knew they were poisoned, but I had faith in God. The bullets were a surprise, however. I would advise you avoid being shot, if you have any say in the matter.

In my next incarnation, I shall return as a humble clerk. I’ve grown tired of politics. 

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When I arrive, I really have no plan.
by KC

Hot Spot

"Five Tree Island, Vacation Hot Spot of Indiana" the brochure read. Randolph quaked with anticipation as the bus slowed. He folded the brochure and slipped it into his backpack. 

He turned to an elderly gent sitting next to him and said "When I arrive, I really have no plan."

The man smiled as Randolph zipped the pack pocket. "Well, maybe rent a motor scooter to tour the island and take in the sights."

The gent leaned in close as the bus stopped at the bridge. He smiled and said "Guess it's your first time staying on the island."

"Why yes, why do you ask?"

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The line between animals and machine is becoming increasingly blurred.
by RMAF

At the zoo they have a mechanized orangutan with real fur attached to it. It's eyes and arms move and it stuffs fake food into its mouth. Most of the zoo visitors don't know the difference, so the zoo administrators decided to make most of the animals mechanical. They could save a lot of money on food and vet costs, and paying the clean up crew. 

The visitors didn't notice the switch from real animals to fake animals. What the visitors really cared about was if the zoo had benches in the shade, if the restaurants were open and the bathrooms were centrally located and kept clean.