Session November 8 2014

http://emailsfromgrandpa.com/crazy-scenes-from-google-street-view/

"It wasn't enough to be bold, he thought. He must radiate confidence."
by PV

After the fiasco in the convenience store, well, who was to know the suspicious butcher from next door, getting a beer, would be making thousands of calculations in that pea brain of his? After all, Aloysius had maintained proper decorum, insuring he no longer slavered with a messy countenance. It must have been that ridiculous clingy marrow under his nails that gave him away. It couldn't have been his coat, for he wasn't as demonstrative as the quarreling biddy in her furs. He wasn't demanding the best wine and had taken care to adopt a hangdog expression when he pleaded for access to the Janitor's closet to slake his thirst in the deep drain. And even after that, with all those alarmed countenances after his deep growls, it wasn't enough to be bold, he thought. He must radiate confidence.

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"She liked to admire herself in the mirror late at night when everyone else was sleeping."
By TNT

Late at night she dressed up in all sorts of clothes when everyone else was sleeping.

 

She had the house to herself and she paraded around  in her underwear. She was  playing different roles .  She could remember the role in the Christmas play as a Christmas tree.

It was so uncomfortable with branches of  a pine trees sticking all over her .Pine needles in

her underwear....in places she couldn't scratch.  

In the parking lot - the tiny poodle of her teacher Mr. Vega came and lifted his leg on her costume. The worst thing was that the boy,  Andy,  whom she adored from a distance  but never spoke to had seen it and laughed. He would tell his friends and it would be all over the school by tonight. 

After the play, she had gone behind the stage to shake out her costume...there she was surprised to see Mr. Vega shooting the School Principle with a handgun. But they wore bullet proof vests.  It was quite strange. Were they practicing for a duel or crime? A bank?  Was it just just for fun? They were smiling. She might be a witness....and  would have to be eliminated... Maybe they had to shoot her...was she really that bad as a Christmas tree.? If she died - they would all be sorry that they had laughed at her.

http://media.techeblog.com/images/strange-funny-stock-photos.jpg

“Perhaps Julia would be a real cook someday.”

 by RC

Julia had a lot of imagination, especially for a five year old, and she was extremely intelligent—some even said “brilliant”. Was she a super-genius? No one could say, since she had never been tested. However, Julia had excellent computer skills, her parents having bought her first one when she was only three. They were a very forward thinking couple, which was not surprising, considering that he was the proverbial “rocket scientist” and she was a math professor at a prestigious college.

Julia wanted to have a complete office setup, where she could be alone to send out her emails, peruse the “want adds” for jobs related to the computer, and in general see what great career she could have going by the age of nine or ten—maybe sooner. She was very ambitious. Her parents did not object, for after all, none of the other parents they knew had said anything about their children wanting such things. Julia would no doubt make a great mark on the world. They set her up with everything she wanted.

The only problem was that every time she applied for a position, everything would go fine until the prospective employer wanted her to send a picture of herself. Julia got more and more frustrated. When anyone learned the truth about her, they shut her down. “You are not a real computer expert,” they would say. “You’re only five year old kid, and we can’t hire you.”

Julia had one other interest, and that was cooking. She made eggs benedict for her parents on Saturday mornings,  and trout flambeau on Sundays, and many other gourmet meals throughout the week. Of course, her mother was very appreciative, so when Julia finally blew up at the last employer one day, her mother whispered to her father that perhaps Julia would be a real cook someday.

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"There's no need to worry, it's all under control."
by AD

"You sure you wanna go out all by yourself?" my Uncle asked me as I laced my boots up.

"I'm sure. Just don't get mad at me whenever I bag a bigger buck than you." This was my first time hunting with my Uncle Joshua, and with him being only a couple of years older than me, we tend to bump heads a lot. Deer season just opened up, so we were going hunting. I grabbed my gun and headed out with a walkie talkie. After hours of waiting around, I saw a buck. I started to get into a crouch, rifle at the ready, when it started to walk up to me. I dropped into a lower crouch as it came closer and closer - 20 meters, 10, 5, and BANG! That's what I expected to hear as the deer dropped. But my gun was empty - I didn't have any more bullets.

I took out the walkie-talkie. "Joshua, I need bullets! There's a buck right next to me." I waited and heard him coming through the little box. Looking up, I saw the deer come closer until it was standing right over me. "Josh!" I whispered into the box, "it's standing right over me!"

"Alright, I see it." I looked up and saw him at the tree line. I also felt something warm on my head and realized the deer was using me for an outhouse. And it wasn't stopping. "Josh, hurry up!"

"There's no need to worry, it's all under control," he said. Josh, I thought, you just stood there  as this animal had diarrhea on my head.  BAM! A shot rang out, along with another pound of crap as the buck ran off. Joshua came up to me but stopped 10 feet away. I was covered in the stuff.  He looked at me and said, "I told you, you should have gone bow hunting."

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"She fought to conceal her disappointment."
by GS

When she met Felix at the fire house she had no idea of what would follow. He seemed as smitten as she felt, and they quickly became inseparable. After weeks of flirtatious encounters he worked up the nerve to give her a kiss on the cheek, which turned as red as the fire truck!

A few days later Felix did not show up for their assignation and she began to have doubts about his commitment. Had that been a farewell kiss? Finally she could stand it no longer and pulled the fire alarm at the corner of her street. The fire truck arrived promptly but Felix was not there! She fought to conceal her disappointment. Later, as she was being booked for a false alarm, she learned that Felix's wife had reclaimed him suddenly and taken him away.

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“She was glowing with satisfaction and pleasure. This was everything she had ever wanted and more.”

By CC

Lorelei was part of a granite outcrop on Newtown Bluff. She was the southernmost boulder at the top of the scree slope and was content with her lot. The outcrop were generally peaceful boulders who had a long history of quiet negotiation rather than protest. They had grown up and old together for uncounted generations and seen meteor strikes and dinosaurs pass by their collective gaze. They told stories and pondered the inscrutabilities of the universe.

Eventually times passed and a civilization arose. Small creatures appeared who built first stick and then mud brick dwellings and shortly after that high rise apartment blocks. Lorelei, who was closer to the ground than the other boulders, was fascinated with the comings and goings of these transient life forms. She knew they but glittered for a day and were gone, but there was something about them that she envied. Then one day she knew. It was mobility. 

The more she pondered mobility, the more impassioned she became about the potentials. Just once in her life, she thought, she would love to be mobile. Then that night she dreamed.

In the dream she floated down from the outcrop and onto 11^th street, past an old drugstore and over a dirt road that ran behind the Wellington Apartments, from which emanated the drone of electronic voices punctuated by an occasional scream, frequent belching, and the sound of breaking glass. Lights flashed and pulsated through the drawn curtains. Lorelei was utterly fascinated and approached the apartment block to see if she could peer inside. However she crushed the entire building into dust instead. Amazing!

Suddenly she woke. It was only a dream, but she was glowing with satisfaction and pleasure. This was everything she had ever wanted and more.

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"He never felt the day was long enough to finish anything important."
by RMAF

He never felt the day was long enough to finish anything important. So Dom Mie did the most important things first.

1. Get out of bed early in the morning.
2. Drive to his friend's house to pick him and his fire extinguisher up.
3. Drive to the state hospital parking lot.
4. Douse himself with gasoline and light up a cigarette.
5. Take his morning stroll across the parking lot.
6. Jump into the water fountain to sizzle and steam.

This daily habit gave Dom Mie great exhilaration. He was now "fired up" for the day!