D-Day Anniversary Session, June 6, 2015

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"Nothing could have pleased him more than this!"
by TNT

It was a beautiful day for a ride. Nothing could have pleased him more than this. Mildred - his girl - was ready. She was an expert with the gears while he pedaled. He mounted a camera to the front for shots of things they might pass by. He was glad there were no horses or carriages about. Mildred hated mud and horse manure. Cobblestones were another peeve - he hated cobblestones. When he thought about the nice, smooth roads of the next century he envied his grandchildren, who would be born when roads were smooth and he imaged there would be no more horses.

Meanwhile Mildred shifted gears and they went flying down the street at 4 mph. His wheels went faster than his legs could run. This way Mildred was with him all the way and would arrive at the same time at the bottom of the hill. "Whoopie!" "There they go again!" That's what everyone would say. He was pleased and nothing could have pleased him more than this. 

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“It doesn’t taste too bad,” he told them. “And it’s very good for you.” 

By CC

Jenny was dieting again. Her husband, Phillip, tried hard to be civil, to refrain from joshing and poking fun, but this was an ongoing quest for Jenny, who had yet to lose a single pound. Phillip was pretty sure she had gained a few since her last fruitless venture in body reshaping.

Jenny went into her room, mostly to think but partly to avoid Phillip. She knew how desperate she was this time, and there was nothing to do but get down on her knees and pray for help. She went to the bed and knelt. “Help me,” she thought, realizing she didn’t know to whom her plea was directed. She had prayed to God so many times but God had apparently thought better of it and never intervened. Who should she ask? Her Higher Self? Her Guardian Angel? No. It had to be someone more in alignment with weight loss and looking better.

So she prayed to her Fairy Godmother, and all of a sudden the room was filled with diamond-bright golden sparkles as a shimmering form began to coalesce in the corner. Sparkles flew through the air and slipped under the door, which alarmed Phillip. He ran into the room to make sure Jenny hadn’t lit incense again and burned the curtains.

In a corner of a room stood a lovely woman with sparkling gold dust pouring out of her hands in a steady stream until it circulated through the room like smoke. She gave them both a wry smile, and then looked at Jenny. “Open your mouth and receive this substance,” she said to her. Jenny was so shocked she took a step backwards and looked at Phillip for help.

He opened his mouth and gulped in some of the gold dust. “It doesn’t taste too bad,” he told them. “And it’s very good for you!” Suddenly muscles rippled under his shirt, bursting out from the sleeves. Buttons shot off the front as his chest swelled in a phenomenal Schwartzenegger upthrust.

“Oh my God,” Jenny shouted, gulping in gold dust as fast as her mouth could work. She didn’t even eat twinkies this fast. 

“Take it easy,” said her Fairy Godmother.  “Phillip isn’t a middle aged menopausal woman. Even miracles sometimes take a little time.”

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"Lisa suddenly felt that her cosmetics were poisonous and threw them in the garbage."
by PV

It was a long trek up to the nunnery, and sweat was pouring off her. If only they didn't have to wear the ridiculous pointed hats! She was coming around the bend when Lisa suddenly felt that her cosmetics were poisonous and threw them in the garbage - of course it really was a masonry abominable snowman with a gaping mouth that actually looked like the trash receptacle back home. She hoped she had not been seen and marked as an aspiring American trying to transform from the Ugly American to an Enlightened Being dropped into this Himalayan retreat. She had made it - even felt like singing.

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“They decided to cut their losses and go home”

by RC

Rose and Evan were the adventurous sort of couple,  always trying things that no one else would do. So, when they heard about the giants living in the far north woods they just naturally wanted to go and check it out. Now, Rose was not the type to dress slouchy, even for a trek into the woods, and especially not for what they had in mind. She wore her nicest white dress and pretty slippers. Evan was wanting to do a photo shoot; he imagined the acclaim he would receive for taking the first photos of the family of giants—and couldn’t understand why no one had ever done so before. It cost him a lot of money to get all the necessary equipment and make the trip, but he thought it well worth it.

When they finally found them, deep in the woods, the giants were having tea. Of course, Evan jumped right in with the introductions and his idea of breaking the wonderful news of them to the world. Rose even stood up in the clearing and invited them to line up with her. However, the giants knew nothing about photography and looked on the two intruders very skeptically. This kind of thing was not exactly their “cup of tea” and they signified as much very quickly. Rose and Evan got the hint; they decided to cut their losses and go home. No one ever did quite get the picture.

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"She was leaning over the balcony to pluck a blossom when he pushed her over."
by GS

She kept trying to get up but her rear end wouldn't cooperate. Ever since she had been leaning over the balcony to pluck a blossom when he pushed her over, she had been paralyzed, though the doctor claimed nothing had been damaged. He thought she was being overly dramatic, looking for sympathy. She kept insisting she really couldn't walk.  Getting out for toilet usage was impossible so the couch suffered much damage. Plucking blossoms had never caused much distress to anyone else. Life just isn't fair, she muttered as she lay there helplessly. He was nowhere to be seen, clearly avoiding taking responsibility for his moment of male immaturity. They were a typical married couple, aside from having four legs and a tail!

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"Kirk had been a fireman for years but he didn't like the work anymore."
by RMAF

Kirk had been a fireman for years but he didn't like the work anymore, so he decided to get a job running through masonry walls to test their strength. But he got stuck on his first day on the job

bbb

Session May 9, 2015

Today we used the same image for our creative exercise.

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“It’s not in your repertoire,” he told her. “Why don’t you learn something new?”

by RC

Felicia was your ordinary, large Siamese cat—at least, she thought that she was ordinary enough. She had never done anything out of the usual for cats, although she liked to attack unsuspecting animals and people from high spots, leaping, Kamakazi style upon them all unawares and creating havoc. Other than that, she was a plain nobody, or so she thought.

One day Felicia spotted Terry, the gray tabby, standing on tiptoe and singing at the top of his voice. The strange thing is that his voice did not sound so cat-like; it was almost operatic. Well, Felcia thought she would try this, and she warmed up her vocal chords. Terry stopped, dropped to four paws, and got a very irritated look on his puss. He shook his head and turned up his little nose. “please do not sing; i t just sounds like you’re trying to copy me and doing a poor job of it.” Then Terry noticed Felicia’s disappointment, and became more encouraging. “It’s not in your repertoire,” he told her. “Why don’t you learn something new?”

So, Felicia did try something new. Her mistress, Miss Pingham, had this pale pink parasole, of which she was very fond, and she took it with her everytime they went to the beach.  The next time they all went there, Felicia got an idea in her head. She would show Terry, and Miss Pingham as well, how indispensible she was as a pet and how clever! She waited until Miss Pingham decided to go for a swim, and then she carried out her plan—sort of. She had to work at it quite a few times before she got it right. But when Miss Pingham came back to lie down—well, you can imagine her surprise! She was so surprised and delighted that she went out and bought a matching parasole for Felicia.

After that, every time they went to the beach, Terry sang opera for Miss Pingham and Felicia simply basked under her parasole.

"The old woman turned back from the window, shaking her head in sorrow. She had seen it all before."

By CC

The Sunflower Elder Abuse Avoidance Society had arranged for the warehousing of several hundred octogenarians unfortunate enough to have neither homes of their own nor friends interested in taking them in. But these octos were a resilient group and decided to make the best of it, even though their allowances were only $5 per week. They pooled their money and began having bacon cook-offs in the morning and then placed a Wal-Mart croquet set in the back yard. Life was good. But there were some of the elders who preferred their own company, like Sadie McDonagle and Lydia Smallweathers. Lydia had been allowed to keep a pet parakeet named Lucius. Lydia doted over Lucius and the rest of the crew bought birdseed for him out of the pooled money. Sadie, who had no pets, sat at the window in her narrow cell and watched feral cats come and go. Cats gave her such pleasure. She had lived with several hundred of them before the evil social workers dragged her here. so she took a poignant pleasure watching the still-free feline population, vicariously enjoying their antics. They were wild, and did what they wanted. She admired that. One in particular she had taken to calling Jailbird, because the cat dragged old socks and candy wrappers into the bushes behind the warehouse. She knew it stole, and hoped it would steal better stuff, perhaps something she herself could in turn pilfer and maybe sell. One day Jailbird dragged an umbrella past her windows, and then lay relaxing in its shade. As he relaxed, Jailbird burped up a few parakeet feathers. The old woman turned back from the window, shaking her head in sorrow. She had seen it all before.   

"The dinner table was spread with good food and choice wine, but no one felt like eating."
by TNT

I love the nightlife, myself. So it was a shock to me and my life-style to be suddenly taken in a box to the beach with the kids! Actually, they hid me in the box in order to kidnap me. I meowed loudly but no-one heard. It was dark in the box which was fine. I settled down and slept. 

When we were at the beach they let me out and I walked around the big sandbox with a huge bath that was positively frightful. There were big splashes; someone screamed and everyone headed for shore. Some of those who were bathing in the big bath called the "ocean" were on boards. They said someone had lost an arm to a shark. There was blood all over. That night the table was spread with good food and choice wine, but no one felt like eating. The kids, in all the excitement, had forgotten me at the beach. 

That's how I became a beach bum. I had to fight the seagulls for food - but seagulls are stupid (and delicious). The kids came back to the beach to look for me, but it was too late. I had gone feral.


"Soup is often the starter for a full course meal, and sometimes it is the meal itself."
by BG

Carol and her family were out at the desert for another picnic. As usual they had brought all their pets, too. these excursions were an elaborate affair for her family, not just the usual sandwiches and chips. They carried everything they could possibly want out to their favorite spot. Chairs, tables, shade and all the utensils and provisions to cook their meal. They set everything up, even shade for the cats and dogs. For their meal, soup is often the starter for a full course meal, and sometimes it is the meal itself. That was followed by elaborate desserts and coffee. Then they all reposed in the shade and napped or chatted for a while before returning home at dusk.


"He was tired before he even got out of bed."
by GS

He was tired before he even got out of bed, so the plans for the day became just a trip to the beach. Last night he had hunted small mammals somewhat successfully, so he felt he had earned some more rest than the few hours before dawn. The beach was very appealing since it was only a short walk away, and the litter box was all around him as well. Sometimes a stray dog came too close but Growler had no fear. He had repelled all dogs with his sharp claws his whole life. Then he fell asleep under his umbrella, but remained watchful, so when the photographer approached he lifted his head but felt no threat, so remained supine. Nothing would be allowed to intrude on his luxuriant laziness today!


"Amanda was agoraphobic and Ted was claustrophobic, otherwise they had much in common."
by PV

Actually, the beach was the right place, provided one had essential accoutrements. Ted was even happy standing in the pouring rain without an umbrella. He didn't mind getting wet, feeling so free. Amanda was most happy in a tightly closed room with dense curtains, but today with a cloudy sky they were in a good compromise, for Amanda was agoraphobic and Ted was claustrophobic, otherwise they had much in common. They were often happy playing Blindman's Bluff simultaneously - how they did it, I am unsure.


"It didn't take three guesses for Elisabeth to figure it out."
by RMAF

It didn't take three guesses for Elisabeth to figure it out; if she keeps the excessive sun off her body, keeps her hair groomed, wears a pleasant grin, blinks her golden eyes real pretty, purrs in the millionaire's ear at certain times of shared affection, she could stay "sitting pretty" on the luxurious warmed sands of Acapulco, Mexico.