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It appears that one man has emerged victorious from the struggle.
by BG
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The question that everyone is asking is how did he end up in the water?
by MD
Dear Rabby,
I have a cat. His name is Oscar. Sometimes he looks a little cross-eyed, but he’s really not. It’s just that he likes to spend hours in front of my fish tank watching my goldfish named Arthur. Oscar’s powers of concentration are nothing short of phenomenal, but Arthur is just as wiley. I believe now that Arthur is the cause of Oscar’s eye trouble; Arthur swims in ever-tightening concentric circles and, of course, after hours of watching this, Oscar’s eyes have acquired their inward inversion.
Here is my problem, Dear Rabby: My women’s club has several members of the local chapter of PETA. In a very militant fashion, they have informed me that this interaction between my cat and my fish constitutes a very blatant form of animal cruelty for both of them. I thought I had cleverly solved this problem before the women’s club last meeting at my home by dunking Oscar in the fish tank to swim alongside Arthur. Oscar didn’t seem to mind—he kitty-paddled after Arthur in the tank, following the goldfish’s lead. I felt proud of the way I had addressed this so-called “animal cruelty” issue but the PETA group was still upset with me. The question that everyone was asking was how did he end up in the water?
Dear Rabby, I don’t think I did anything wrong. What’s your opinion?
Signed,
PETA Persecuted
Dear Persecuted,
I think your best solution to this problem is this: Right before your next meeting, leave the door to your home open for your fellow members to enter, while you join your two pets in the fish tank. When they observe you swimming there with Oscar and Arthur, I suspect their concerns will quickly shift from the welfare of your cat and your fish to your own mental health. Problem solved!
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We must make up our minds to accept apparent chaos.
by RM
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Titus himself was definitely not a nomad but he came from that stock.
By CC
The Ballantyne Yacht Harbor had been in Titus’s family for 50 years now and he was getting tired of running it. It seemed like drudgery sometimes. However, there was a profit to be made, sure, as slip fees were unregulated and he could charge as much as he pleased and never run out of business. But the big profit was in the money laundering part of his operation. His little boat Sizzle made runs south of the border regularly and came back with many products other than fish. It was a good living, no doubt, and he had better job security than most in the business. Yet even this side of things was less exciting than it once had been. You can only have so much money until you recognize it’s made you no happier. And then it seems you might be happier if you only had more. But Titus was no fool. He would just make a few more runs and quit.
Titus himself was definitely not a nomad, but he came from that stock, so on Tuesday he set out sailing Sizzle on his customary long trip south of Ensenada, where he had a connection. After a few days he arrived. He tied the little boat off in the guest slip at the local marina, then went into town and had dinner at a little place he liked not far off the plaza. His connection came in shortly after Titus finished eating, and in short order blew Titus away with a shotgun before reaching into his rucksack for the pouch of cash.
Sizzle sat in the water, rocking gently in the waves, until someone came by to untie the little boat from its berth. Sizzle slipped gently out of the marina, and into the ocean, where the boat found a nice warm current that carried it far out to sea.
Sizzle lived for 5 years just rolling on the waves peacefully under the tropical sun. Fish sometimes leaped onto her little deck where they were eaten by seagulls. Now and then a whale or seal would stick its head out of the water to watch the little boat bob around. One day a big storm came up and rolled Sizzle on her side. She floated like this for a few days and then quietly slipped beneath the waves.
It took awhile for the little boat to reach bottom, but she landed upright on a patch of white sand. When the sun shone, its rays often reached the little boat, which was happy to see them. All stories end, and Sizzle’s ends here.
