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Arnold loved running almost as much as he loved his son, Edward."
by GS
I didn't know what to make of the bipeds in front of us. I kept looking at them to try to understand how they were able to move so fast out of the water. I wasn't sure I wanted to eat them until I knew more about them, so I enticed them closer to the water. One of them seemed reluctant to stop his motion.
Arnold loved running almost as much as he loved his son, Edward, so he was undecided about staying near the blob on the shore with Edward, or continuing to run past. Edward was intrigued by the blob and stopped to investigate, so Arnold had to make a difficult choice. He chose to keep running but when he finally looked back, Edward had disappeared and the blob seemed even larger. it was the last time he ever went running.
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“Martha loved earrings but didn’t wear them to avoid calling
attention to her large ears.”
By CC
Late one night Martha sat down to cake and milk as was her
custom before bed. Today it was yellow cake with mocha frosting. She listened to
her earrings jingle as she tilted her head back to swallow some milk. So
satisfying.
Martha loved earrings but didn’t wear them to avoid calling
attention to her large ears. However as soon as she got home from work, she ran
to her jewelry box and clipped on her favorite earrings, with tiers of small
gold coins that tumbled almost to her shoulders. She would wear them all
evening and make sure to move her head frequently so the tinkling jingle could
produce that little thrill she loved so much. But if she so much as looked in a
mirror – well.
Her ears were not just large, they were elephantine. Her
mother always said she was exaggerating, but now, at 35, Martha knew that was a
kindly lie. She had adopted Princess Leia ear covering buns in her youth and
now had the style made into a wig to compensate for the cruel antics of her
aging follicles. But when she got home, the wig came off and the earrings went
on.
So on this night, as Martha ate her cake, drank her milk and
listened to her earrings, she had an epiphany so powerful that she set down the
fork with its load of mocha frosting. She would get plastic surgery to reduce
the size of her ears, dump the wig and get a new haircut, find a new job where
she could meet a rich man to marry, and then go traveling the world. She smiled
and went to bed, after washing up so there wouldn’t be an ant problem in the
morning.
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"He dropped the carton of eggs, which splattered all over the kitchen tiles."
by RC
Delbert was not your ordinary, run of the mill pet owner;
he really went for the unusual kinds of pets that no one else has. His first
try at unusual pets came in an extraordinary way. He raised chickens at his
seaside ranch on the Big Island and it so happened one day that one of his
large, white leghorn chickens broke its leg. The vet he took it to did not
charge him; he was fascinated with the challenge of working on a chicken. He
splinted the leg with a little piece of wire, rather like a paper clip.
Well, it worked, and soon the chicken—which Delbert named
Henryetta—was perching regularly on the back of his kitchen chair. Delbert
really didn’t mind cleaning up after Henryetta; he was pleased that he had a
pet no one had ever had before (that he knew of).
Delbert had a succession of such interesting pets, but
what stopped this little penchant of his was the last strange pet he came by.
It seemed that a friend of his who was a curator of a local zoo had acquired a
kangaroo and didn’t want to keep him. He knew of Delbert’s idiosyncrasy, and,
as he explained to Delbert, he just didn’t have room for the animal—which he
had named “joey”, not too originally.
Delbert was of course delighted and didn’t ask any
questions. Joey seemed perfectly suitable for Delbert’s ranch. He liked to romp
about the beach too, but he never went in the water. After a while, Delbert saw
that Joey really was an intelligent animal, and he saw his opportunity to
capitalize on him and do a little less himself at the ranch. He taught joey to
fetch the chicken eggs, sweep the floors, and other such jobs. Joey could even
pack the eggs into the cartons.
Everything went fine until Delbert found Joey one morning,
sleeping in the bed of the spare room, nicely tucked under the blankets. This
was too much.
“You are not a human,” Delbert said, scolding Joey. “You
can’t sleep in a bed.” At this, Joey jumped out of the bed and immediately
began to sulk in the corner.
“It’s all right, Joey,” Delbert said, “Don’t feel bad;
there’s just a difference between animals and humans.”
Joey went to do the chores, but somehow their
relationship wasn’t the same afterwards. Joey seemed a bit downcast and even
jittery. When he came in with the eggs and began to pack them into the cartons,
Delbert couldn’t help noticing a tear running down his face. “Maybe he’s more
human-like than I thought,” Delbert muttered to himself. But Joey was just
getting wound up.
“I can’t stand it,” he said, astounding Delbert. “I
always thought that I was just the same as everyone else, and now…I can’t stand
it. He dropped the carton of eggs, which spattered all over the kitchen tiles.
“I’m going back to the zoo,” he said, before bounding out the door.
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"Guess what," she asked him over coffee one morning. "The Chinese are going to do a head transplant!"
by RMAF
Over pizza lunch Ms. Smartone said to her companion, Georgie Boy, "Guess what!? The Chinese are going to do a head transplant!"
Georgie Boy picked up a slice of his favorite finger food and took a big bite. As he was chewing and saying 'mmmm' at the same time he said nonchalantly "Well, that's great, I guess, but I'll bet they can't make a pizza as good as this!"
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"She was tired and didn't want to go out that night, but he insisted."
By CG
She was too tired, and didn’t want to go out. Mason knew he was going to have to resort to
desperate measures to get Matilde out on a date. A gift! He thought, I’ll bring her a gift! He stumbled up the stairs out of his
windowless bunker, grasping at the rickety handhold, forcing himself out into
the staunch winter daylight. The crows
on the leafless oak trees scattered somewhat lazily to the next tree as he
ejected himself through the door.
“That’s it!” he said, and hobbled over to the cages behind in the
abandoned shed. “Grouse?” No, too pretty, “Pheasant? Too common.”
He gazed over at Wendell, the loan crow he had managed to capture last
year, his prized bird. “She can’t say no
to my smartest bird! You will be hers
now, Wendell.” He plucked up the bird
cage, tossing Wendell about in his haste.
“And now to make a grand entrance!
She won’t say no to me now!” He
slunked over to the other cage where Donner, Dasher, Vixen, Dancer, Prancer,
and the rest of the crew warbled about restlessly. Pulling a few ropes out of a bag in the
corner of the shed, he began to shakily tie them to his wrists. “Yah!” He said
“Yah! Hold still!” He breathed as
he tied the other end of the ropes to each bird. “Away we gooo!”
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by TNT
They allowed the cows free range and they had begun their organic garden. They had always enjoyed eating fresh and considered themselves "foodies." The farm was a big investment and would take most of their efforts to make a success. Next door was a camp for handicapped children and they had made a deal with the camp to provide vegetables and milk. The owner of the camp said "I'm glad we don't have a cow," smelling the milk, which seemed to have gone sour before they had a chance to use it up. Of course the sign on the back fence had not been prominently displayed. No-one noticed it until the County Inspectors arrived. The children and adults were throwing up and convulsing. There weren't enough ambulances so they stacked the bodies on cots until a doctor came.
