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“I sent him to prison for life. It didn’t bother me at all.”
By CC
Luther and Luther-Ann were simply megalithic. They had been
standing in the same place for perhaps two thousand years, thinking deeply
about life, communing wordlessly with one another, when suddenly they had a
child. Lutherette, they called her. She was small and elegant, standing
serenely between her parents, looking forward to the day when she would divide
and grow her lintel. She hoped for a symmetrical lintel; Luther had one. But
Luther-Ann’s was poorly shaped. Lutherette figured she stood half a chance of
getting what she wanted. Then one day a fox wandered by, looking at the stones.
He lifted his leg to urinate against Lutherette. Soon a bear wandered by, and
he scratched his back against Luther until huge chunks of fur lodged in his surface
irregularities. A pair of eagles landed on Luther-Ann and left a half digested
trout and lots of guano on her lintel. It was all too much. Luther was moved to
speak aloud for the first time in two thousand years. “This reminds me,” he
said, “of a tale I overheard a thousand years ago. Two men were making a fire
at my base, which as you imagine was very uncomfortable. One of them said “I sent him to prison for life. It didn’t
bother me at all.”” Luther-Ann and Lutherette sat there quietly pondering
what Luther just said. What was
prison, they wondered? They pondered this for three thousand years, by which
time Lutherette had grown a very satisfactory lintel of her own.
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"Let's not be angry about it," she said to the group. "Let bygones be bygones."
by RMAF
The orphanage closed years ago but one little child, Jimmy Jamie Joe, got locked in the old building. Years later, his little skeleton was found looking out the widow. The doctor blamed the registered nurse. The registered nurse blamed the practical nurse. The practical nurse blamed the aide. The aide blamed the janitor and so it went. Years later after Jimmy Jamie Joe's skeleton was found, all the supposed professionals had a meeting to get to the bottom of this awful untimely death of the little orphan boy. After having their refreshments and catching up on the latest gab, the head nurse stood up and said to her peers, "I have an excellent idea. The statute of limitations of this accidental crime must have run out by now. Let's not call the police, no one wants to admit anything. Let's not be angry about it," she said to the group. "Let bygones be bygones." They all took another snack off the plate and sipped their drinks with self-indignation.
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| http://thechive.com/2012/12/20/you-can-find-beauty-in-the-strangest-places-35-photos/beauty-strange-places-2 |
"It's no longer possible to be reimbursed for this expense."
by TT
A protest in Stockholm seemed more like a fair or a circus. Everyone from everywhere was there and others flew in on a huge inflated hot-air polar bear, a zeppelin of gigantic proportions. It was quite spectacular and impressed the crowds. "Yes!" they screamed. "Save the Polar Bears - Kings of the Arctic!" "No Climate Change!" Shamans and ceremonial magicians put a hex on Exxon and Shell Oil. People smirked and said "We'll see if it works." Then the spikes on top of a tent pole hit the polar bear. It collapsed over the whole protest and people were crawling out from underneath the rip-stop nylon for quite awhile. It was weird to be underneath because you didn't know where you were or how to get out. Fortunately, the gas had been released or it would have been a disaster of major proportions. The kids thought it was funny so they crawled back under the polar bear to play. But it was no longer possible for the protesters to be reimbursed for this expense. And the people who came by the polar bear had to leave in a bus done up as a huge turtle. I hope the polar bears will survive this catastrophic symbolism of their deflation. Perhaps the hex worked the wrong way. Who knows?
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"She loved to sing but she did it badly."
by PV
Eloise paused and pressed her stomach. Next to her, Ella was already hitting the upper registers, rolling her eyes back in her head helped her gain octaves. They were getting ready, practising for the church social. The duet promised to be a hit even if it got the Daughters of the American Revolution tittering. However, Ella - she loved to sing but she did it badly. Still this would be better than the undulating flag movements the biddies were planning in their combined dress of one giant flag composed of the assembled biddies' bodies. All sung to the national anthem, of course. I still wish the apple I was holding were poison to spare me these social mortifications.
