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by CC
Melba was perplexed. She put down the newspaper and shook her head. Yet another cruise ship was in distress. Toxic germs sickening hundreds, plumbing backed up. Some of them even hit rocks and fall over sideways. Yet Don and Shirley Puckernutt, her sensible neighbors, had just made reservations on the Super Funliner! Then the phone rang. Melba picked it up. "Shirley, good morning!," she said, feeling a little guilty. "How are you?" Shirley sounded tired. "Oh, Melba, I need to ask you a favor." "Sure, Shirley. What's up?" said Melba. "Well, we have a hydroponic garden of...unusual... gourmet... mushrooms in our basement. Would you be willing to watch them while we're gone? I"ll show you how." "OK, Shirley," I said. And that's how it happened that 70 federal drug enforcement agents were chasing me through a cornfield three days later. I outran them easily since the mushrooms I'd been nibbling gave me truly amazing powers. So as I ran down the corn row, I was wondering about Don and Shirley on their cruise ship. It wasn't like them. Why did they do it? No one would ever know.
"Ive got to admit, it all looked pretty messy."
by PV
Cecil was upset. After all, "oink oink"? What a demoralizing mask for the costume ball. Never trust a cat to be the Master of Ceremonies. I was hoping for something more dignified - Sherlock Holmes stalwart sleuthing canine conjuror. Of course, it could have been really bad, unimaginably worse. The luck of the straw draw for Master of Ceremonies could have fallen to Slith instead of Robespierre, the insufferable. Good thing there were a lot of blank pieces of papers at that part as well. For when Slith, the slimeworm, slipped a glutinous tentacle into the bowler's maw - I've got to admit, it all looked pretty messy. But I'm glad, at least I don't have to fly.
"Angelica could not make up her mind."
by PV
Good God, Hinda Ga Ra was roaring a camel's roar, and it didn't seem to affect anyone around. The mounts were stolid, thousands were kneeling, processions were coming from the horizon accompanied by a rainbow of dancers. Why do I, only I, hear Hinda Ba Ra, speaking across a gulf of time into the future of those gathered here? Angelica listened in and out of this time, frantically sorting destinies. Wasn't she the mogul princess, or maybe even a casteless dreaming drudge off the streets of Mumbai? A crystallization of selves was assembling and the final trigger was herself. Angelica could not make up her mind.
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"Let's just cancel it," she said. "Who needs this stress?"
by AD
My friend Sasha and I have always wanted to be marine biologists and work with aquatic wildlife. After 10 years at college with our Masters Degrees, we finally made it. "Let's just cancel it," she said. "Who needs this stress?" For days we were trying to get a seal onto land for a study on mating behaviors, and this was a very healthy looking female. We tried everything to get it onto land, using bait, even scaring it. We had been here for a week and it hadn't moved at all. Sasha had nearly gone mad from the stress and decided to net the creature when a bald, scrawny-looking man in his 50s swam out and grabbed it by the head and pulled it out of the water. It turned out to be a statue. The guy was a professional sculptor and puppeteer and had put it in the ocean to see if anyone else thought it was real. Sasha is in court on trial for assault with a deadly weapon after beating the man up with his own model.
"It didn't bother him, though everyone else seemed upset."
"Once you have begun this, take care to continue."
by CC
Lin-Wa Seikonan had received the knowledge of healing in a single burst of cosmic awareness between 3 and 4 a.m. on an August night 30 years ago. By now, she had forgotten most of it and was desperately hiding her ignorance by re-reading all of her old books. But very little made sense to her anymore. Well, she thought, I'll just have to make stuff up now. So she decided to create the Lin-Wa Bouncing Energy Pulsators, and needed people willing to test them. Ted and Moira Niftle were down and out and thought they could benefit both from the energy pulses and the $15 each that Lin-Wa paid them for the test. "Once you have begun this, take care to continue," barked Lin-Wa. The Niftles began to pulse and the energy balls started to move. Pretty soon they were at the edge of the park and disappeared behind the trees. Lin-Wa raced after them but tripped on a root and fell. When she got up, there was no sign of the energy balls. She knew she had lost her prototypes and $30 too. It was a bad day.
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by PV
Cecil was upset. After all, "oink oink"? What a demoralizing mask for the costume ball. Never trust a cat to be the Master of Ceremonies. I was hoping for something more dignified - Sherlock Holmes stalwart sleuthing canine conjuror. Of course, it could have been really bad, unimaginably worse. The luck of the straw draw for Master of Ceremonies could have fallen to Slith instead of Robespierre, the insufferable. Good thing there were a lot of blank pieces of papers at that part as well. For when Slith, the slimeworm, slipped a glutinous tentacle into the bowler's maw - I've got to admit, it all looked pretty messy. But I'm glad, at least I don't have to fly.
"Angelica could not make up her mind."
by PV
Good God, Hinda Ga Ra was roaring a camel's roar, and it didn't seem to affect anyone around. The mounts were stolid, thousands were kneeling, processions were coming from the horizon accompanied by a rainbow of dancers. Why do I, only I, hear Hinda Ba Ra, speaking across a gulf of time into the future of those gathered here? Angelica listened in and out of this time, frantically sorting destinies. Wasn't she the mogul princess, or maybe even a casteless dreaming drudge off the streets of Mumbai? A crystallization of selves was assembling and the final trigger was herself. Angelica could not make up her mind.
"Let's just cancel it," she said. "Who needs this stress?"
by AD
My friend Sasha and I have always wanted to be marine biologists and work with aquatic wildlife. After 10 years at college with our Masters Degrees, we finally made it. "Let's just cancel it," she said. "Who needs this stress?" For days we were trying to get a seal onto land for a study on mating behaviors, and this was a very healthy looking female. We tried everything to get it onto land, using bait, even scaring it. We had been here for a week and it hadn't moved at all. Sasha had nearly gone mad from the stress and decided to net the creature when a bald, scrawny-looking man in his 50s swam out and grabbed it by the head and pulled it out of the water. It turned out to be a statue. The guy was a professional sculptor and puppeteer and had put it in the ocean to see if anyone else thought it was real. Sasha is in court on trial for assault with a deadly weapon after beating the man up with his own model.
"It didn't bother him, though everyone else seemed upset."
by AD
We were tired of Benjamin's smoking everywhere he went. No matter what he seemed to be sucking on a cigarette held permanently under his waxed handlebar moustache. We even had jokes that he slept with it like a baby and he used it like a candle at night. We were sick of the choking fumes on a bird watch we had Nigel make a cigarette using animal scat. He handed it to Benjamin. "Here," he said, handing it to him. "This is my own secret blend of tobacco." Benjamin switches it out with his cigarette and lights up. After a couple of deep puffs he looks up and says, "Very nice, very nice indeed. Magnificent, really." After seeing the disgusted looks on the people around him, he worried about his smoking habits.
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