Session July 27 2013

http://www.boostinspiration.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/04_cute_animals_squirrel.jpg

"They must also perform acts of mortification every day."
by LJD

Speaking in Rabbit, Grandpa Shack sniffed a comment. "It is the story of the life of a rabbit. A) Run for cover, B) Never look back, C) Do not be concerned with your brother, your mother or the like.  For it is the call of the Wild Dog, and we must perform acts of moritification every day. I have seen headless rabbits, rabbit foot key chains, rabbit shishkebobs in the garden. Mortification is a constant for us. The next life will be different, I have no doubt. I have seen the signs in the Summer Moon."

http://xaxor.com/funny-pics/39044-funny-more-animals-acting-like-humans.html

"It wouldn't be a problem, he would see to that."
by PV

Pretty bleak out, the bloody fog had really closed in. A depressing fourth of July, no early picnickers with their screaming kids gamboling ahead of them, turning somersaults over dewy grass sparkled by a benevolent sun. Sylvester was stolid, he usually was stolid, grinding away unimaginable thoughts within that bird brain of his. Well, he'd been in pickles before, but no picnickers meant no leftovers, ipso facto no scurrying plump mice too heedless in their own greed to sense their immanent demise from the heavens. Sylvester turned one eye towards me. It wouldn't be a problem, he would see to that. "It is a true dilemma Thaddeus. Remember those hobos with the stolen turkey by the tracks? Well, they ought to be so stuffed now as to be incapable of discretionary thought. So you, Thaddeus, have to puff yourself up beyond the fire, becoming Thaddeus the Immense, the Colossus of Rhodes in the oaks, a bigger than life railroad cop descending on those stealing freeloaders. I will make the appropriate noises. When they have fled, we will have silence; almost all the consequent scurrying will be by our tiny, furry friends. We will have a feast.

http://www.creative-journeys.com/unusual-summer-festivals-around-the-world/

"They would have to press forward without assurance."
by CC

Eldon knew it was down here, deep in the muck at the bottom of the pond. He kept rubbing his finger where the wedding ring had been not an hour ago. He has slipped and fallen into the pond to a chorus of hoots from diners on the patio at the restaurant where he and Milly had been eating before he decided to take a stroll. He did have awful indigestion, but that wasn't why he had left the table. No, he had been a little upset by her black lipstick. He didn't like black. She had stiffened and said "It's grape, stupid." So maybe falling into the pond wasn't really an accident. He stripped to his underwear and borrowed a snorkeling mask from a kid who had been watching. He might find the ring, or he might not. She might turn into a different woman, or not. They would have to press forward without assurance.

https://www.facebook.com/StrangeandInterestingThings

"Such is life, he thought."
by BG

Frank was really put out by that company and all the policy changes they were recently moving forward with. He wished he'd never agreed to a contract for so many years. He just didn't want to make so many personal changes to accomodate the new concepts that they wanted him to work with. In the past, his work representing them had always been so pleasant. He brought a smile to people's faces when they saw him in advertisement. Now, what were they thinking when they decided to branch off in a new direction? Such is life, he thought. He guessed they just had to go with the flow and change with the times, but, really now, the new name was just so unimaginative. Zombiosity! Argh!

http://emorfes.com/2010/01/10/amazing-magical-realism-photography/

"He wouldn't return, no matter what they said."
By PR

After 10 years of searching he had finally found her...the one he had nearly given up on. With his heart beaming with emotion, he took her into his arms. Looking into her eyes, he knew that she could never leave her home. As his head began to spin with ideas a new feeling began to grow inside of him, profound and full of resolve. Neither joy nor despair gripped him now. There was only one absolute: Being with her. He could hear the voices of all of those close to him, all their advice and well wishes. But as he followed her into the great sea, he knew. He wouldn't return, no matter what they said.

http://xaxor.com/photography/30708-interesting-photo-manipulations-part-13.html

"When I'm sure I can trust your intentions, I'll get out of your way."
by RMAF

Sixtuplets fighting amongst themselves. When we're sure we can trust your intentions, we'll get out of your way. But until then, you three eggheads can remain sitting in the back row, where you belong!

http://www.etherealspirit101.blogspot.com/

"The end came quicker than expected."
by AD

Lucy P. Chevalier was a woman of many talents. She was a skilled  fashion designer who also did cover girl work for longer than any woman before her. A skilled artist, professional dancer  and photographer, she modeled most of her original work and her original designs sold very quickly for large amounts. She planned to do this work until the end of her life. The end came quicker than expected. This was the last photo taken of her. The moment of her death came when a group of hungry sea gulls pushed her over the railing trying to grab the lunch she packed, sending her crashing in shallow waters four stories below. She doesn't look so lovely now.

Session July 13 2013

http://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/Movies/2013/0222/Bless-Me-Ultima-has-moments-where-its-magical-realism-shines

"Think before you bring stuff that you don't really need or want into the house."
 By PV

My grandmother was a wise Indian in Central Mexico. I remember her showing me the correct planting of corn. This was at the edge of the field. Our chuch was in the distance. Months later the corn field stretched away in the distance. On that fateful day I remembered an admonition of hers as I pocketed the tiny basalt bowl in which she had started the sacred plant. I wanted to put the bowl on the mantle as a remembrance, though in my mind was one of her last sayings: Think before you bring stuff that you don't really need or want into the house. The next morning, out in the field, I felt a rumble like thumder - but there were no clouds. An open yawning crack zigzagged in the ground, spewing smoke. Within a month, the volcano Paracutin had risen 600 feet, covered the house, engulfed the church, and spread lava everywhere. We had our own World War at home.

http://www.wallibs.com/desktopwallpaper/1600x1200/img-wallpapers-summer-wallpaper-catus-14592.html

"I was recently given a giant millipede for my birthday."
by BG

I was recently given a giant millipede for my birthday. How on earth do they expect us to get along? I am going to have to give him away. We just don’t travel in the same circles. I can’t carry the poor guy around with me, and it just won’t work for me to adjust to his method of moving from place to place. Picture the disaster that would occur: Supersonic jet falls from sky upon attempting to airlift Sherman Tank during migration to Central America. It’s just not an option. Next year I will be incognito on my birthday so I won’t run the risk of being put in a similar predicament. I wouldn’t be surprised if the millipede was thinking the same thoughts. It’s his birthday today.



http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2012-09-06/indias-poor-starve-as-politicians-steal-their-food

"The project was a smashing success and we all celebrated." 
By AD

The project was a smashing success and we all celebrated it. Having our news magazine published in our small town is big! Where ever you look, you see people reading it – a magazine full of the town’s secret stories, news and art. Everyone is happy – well, almost everyone. An old man is staring at me with hate over the top of his magazine. He doesn’t look happy, maybe because I got him fired. I turned the story of him staying up working all night in the shop to him spending the night with his boss’s daughter! If I knew I would get people fired I would have got Ali the fish merchant fired instead of Alika, the best metalsmith in town who makes the best blades ever. Now its time to move 3 or 4 villages over.



http://www.weather.com/family-kids/family-time/unusual-summer-vacation-20130523

"I'll do as I please," he said, as he walked out the door." 
by CC

Sir George H. L. Bentley and Lady Bently died on August 3, 1987 in an auto accident, and 3 years later were reincarnated in a pair of giraffes born on the estate of his former rival, Sir Roger A. Bulwinkle. For most of their young lives, the giraffes had no memory of their prior life times but retained those tastes and proclivities. One fine morning Glinda Giraff, as she was known to the Bulwinkles, persuaded Smiley Giraff to dine at the Bulwinkle’s Sunday brunch. He stepped through the window to reach the bacon on the sideboard. Glinda said, “Come back here, you know we aren’t built for this anymore!” “I’ll do as I please,” he said, as he walked out the door.



Session June 29 2013

http://liz-green.com/2010/12/feel-like-the-odd-one-out-there-is-only-one-unique-you/

"It's not a good time to start"
by CC

There had been so much to think about at the recent swan gathering. Doreen was especially keen to work with the Swan Appreciation Society on the Big Willow Island Swanfest later this year. But she thought the new emphasis on security was overdone. Sure, they could expect a little trouble from the mallards, who thought they were just so special. But who would seriously think they would spy on the planning session?

Suddenly Doreen heard a little squeak and looked down to find the most bizarre creature ever floating near her. She looked at it carefully. Was it just a human toy - or a Trojan Duck?  She could get paranoid, that's for sure! But, she thought, it's not a good time to start.

http://au.totaltravel.yahoo.com/travel-ideas/galleries/g/-/14226608/1/secrets-and-shadows-the-worlds-most-mysterious-places/

"It allowed him to drop his trash bag right into the basement."
By TT

I can't think, especially with those guys standing over me. Each one reminds me of an authority figure. The Police Chief. The Banker. The Head of Department, Supervisor and Bossy Neighbor who expects me to trim all the hedges and mow my lawn. Why do they always stare at me as if I did something slightly inappropriate, like littering, jaywalking or pinching their wife's butt? I'm innocent! I didn't do anything wrong. I even found a way to drop the trash right into the basement where no one will see it. I'll whistle a tune and maybe they'll smile.




http://smashinghub.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/animals27.jpg

 "Let's not go on about it, he said. We've made our decision."
by PV

Let's not go on about it, he said. We've made our decision. And so Pip made ready for this translation - this transmogrification. He knew from previous shape changings that it had probably been a mistake, but Pip's mistress was something else. She doted on Pip and he got the most wonderful if unorthodox places to sleep. But all good things alter and when Igor, the oil baron from Russia, came to pay court, Pip could only see disaster ahead. He was a pitiful excuse for a hero, but he still had sharp teeth - so when Igor made insulting, improper advances, Pip knew he had to act. Sinking his teeth into Igor's calf he hung on as the giant tumbled from his lofty heights, screaming "I always hated that Pipsqueak of a dog. Pip smiled inwardly, glad for the week's earlier disastrous encounter with a rabid rat. Pip was ready for the crematorium.

http://www.ianmears.com/photography/portfolio/portfolio-the-hardest-prison-to-escape-is-the-one-we-create-for-ourselves.html

"On awakening, he found that his hand was indeed perfectly normal."
by GS

I suspected that opening the cage door would be a serious mistake, but I felt compelled. Those beady eyes bore into my soul with great intensity, and I could not resist their power. My right hand was still on the open door when it attacked me, probably payback for those years of captivity. I grabbed a nearby drape to cover myself as protection from further attack, and then must have fainted. It seeemed it must all have been a nightmare since when I recovered my hand was indeed perfectly normal!

http://creativegreed.com/most-interesting-perspective-photographs-around-the-world.html

"She is meticulous in everything she undertakes."
by RMAF

She is meticulous in everything she undertakes, including scooping up all the perfect-bodied people on the beach. She thinks they don't belong there because it makes the rest of us people with rippled, adipose tissue look like we don't belong. They, the thin ones, are the ones who don't belong. We have something in common with the whales - we are big, shiny and beautiful with a lot of blubber.

Session Jun 15 2013



http://news.motorbiker.org/blogs.nsf/dx/51-weird-motorcycles.htm

 "He was disappointed but philosophical about the outcome."
by CC

Horst militarized everything. From his Krupps coffeepot to camo print underwear, he celebrated War. But Horst also had a secret: He could not kill. If he ran over a bunny in the road, he would sit in his study weeping for hours. One day he considered giving up his automobile altogether and riding a bike instead. Perhaps he could trick it out to resemble a tank, and strike fear in the heart of passing citizenry whilst sparing road-crossing rodents from a brutal death. On his first trip out, a squirrel flung itself beneath his treads and expired with a loud squeak. Horst felt a tear come to his eye but realized some things were just beyond his control. He was disappointed but philosophical about the outcome.



http://de.acidcow.com/pics/20110401/old_people_25.jpg

 "They also enjoy the odd nibble at the bed clothes, in fact anything hanging over the edge of the bed is at risk."
By GS

The doorbell was unexpected since I rarely see visitors, and the woman standing there in her bizarre costume was even more unexpected. She explained that she was my new neighbor directly across the street and had some questions. It seems she encountered some unusual pests in the house, little furry creatures which ate voraciously, and she wondered if they were all over the neighborhood or only in her house. Since they had also eaten her everyday clothes she had been reduced to wearing an old Halloween costume that had been locked in a trunk, thus explaining her appearance. She also reported that they enjoy the odd nibble at the bed clothes, in fact anything hanging over the dge of the bed is at risk. I had no prior knowledge of such pests and gave her the number for the local exterminator, but I think I now know why the prior tenant had vacated so suddenly with no notice. Should I start worrying about my possessions as well? This could be the start of a real epidemic!

http://74211.com/interesting-wallpaper-of-a-black-greedy-pug/

"All I have left is this photo."
By PV

When Zeke looked at the treat, he eyed it dubiously and with some trepidation. His vacillation must have irritated Sirius in his lofty throne 8 light years away. I could still hear the booming voice and see the walls beginning to crumble in this dog-deigned Jericho. I fled out, up the grassy fields paced by my frantic neighbors as their homes collapsed into giant piles of dust. About Zeke, I don't know. I've told him repeatedly that his pickiness would lead to the end of the world, but I still love him. All I have left is this photo.




http://www.bubblews.com/news/206623-some-interesting-facts-about-our-life

 "We finally had to admit he lacked all self control."
by RMAF

We finally had to admit he lacked all self control. Wisdom flew away in his life. He loved playing the piano so much he forgot to go home to his wife and children, he forgot to go to his job, he forgot to pay his bills. He forgot to comb his hair and brush his teeth. Finally, the night of the full moon came. It illuminated his life. By heart he played "By the Light of the Silvery Moon," "Moon Over Glocca Mora" and "There's a Moon Out Tonight." We can't all be good at everything. Personally, I love music. Music, to me, is more important than the boring, repetitious responsibilities of life.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/dayanne/interesting-combination-34bm

"In our increasingly graceless culture, where can we find the motivation to give?
By AD

In our increasingly graceless culture, where can we find the motivation to give? It seems like mankind lives in only a take and receive greedy time. Why are we like this? Why can't we help each other without expecting anything in return? I helped a woman walk her dog today - was I expecting anything like her talking to me, or was I doing this to try to give people the motivation to give?





http://www.empowernetwork.com/kishascott/businessontheinternet/29140-interesting-business-image/

 "What lies above you, calling to your spirit?"
By AD

What lies above you, calling to your spirit? Is it the moon, the stars or god? What calls to you, makes you who you are, gives you your feelings of joy, sadness and love? What gives you the courage to do things, the strength to push through? What gives me the courage and strength, what lifts my spirits, are the spirits of the ones below me as I walk on the border of life and death.

Session June 1 2013

"In the north and east they are highly migratory, heading west and south during autumn."
by PV

The flapping of their leathery wings was dying away. Maybe, just maybe, it was safe to come out. Muffin stayed back, uncertain after all had taken place this morning. Her world was upside down, the kitchen was in an uproar over the sightings and had neglected to put out the usual saucer of milk. Of course Slick Sylvester would know, he had weathered a lot of storms. Muffin felt sick to see all her siblings scattered in the grass like fluffs of thistledown. Their souls were seeping upward, gaining altitude, up, up and over the brightly colored fluttering leaves. Muffin remembered her mom saying "in the north and east they are highly migratory, heading west and south during autumn - those hounds of hell."

"She could not understand what he had been through."
By RMAF

The amorous female polar bear I met up in northern Alaska took a personal liking to me in my white hooted fur coat and muck muck boots. But I told her I had already gone through four divorces with big, bear-like women and wasn't willing to take another chance at love. So we waved good bye to each other.

"Then, without warning or fanfare, we won."
by GS

The feline dance contest was the highlight of the spring social calendar. Bootsie spent many minutes practicing his ballet moves, which is a long time for a cat, of course. Most of what they do is completely innate so practice is superfluous. The first prize of a whole can of tuna fish was the great motivator. As Bootsie's driver, I was also thrilled to be in the running since I could win the gift card for dinner at Mel's Fish House, the swankiest place on the Cape. The competition was formidable including last year's winner, Kittles, who did the tango. Did we even have a chance? Finally the day arrived and I drove Bootsie to the arena where he sparkled and received much applause for his Swan Lake.The results were finally announced, and then, without warning or fanfare, we won! The can of tuna was quickly devoured.

"Sharon drummed her fingers on the table, clearly worried about the same thing."
By TNT

Sharon is from New Jersey - she can't help it if her husband is a wrestler on Wrestlemania. He makes a good living even when he loses. His wrestling name is Bull-Nut Brain-Basher, the Unvanquished. He has a great physique married only by toes that turn outwards. He walks flat-footed; when he walks, he sways. He has been punched in the head too many times to remember where his house is so she always drives him home. Today Sharon drummed her fingers on the table, clearly worried about the same thing. She couldn't pick him up and she was worried he would get in the wrong vehicle and go somewhere else and then never find his way back to the New Jersey turnpike and the street where he lived. He'd probably take on a whole new identity and personality. How would she ever find him? Maybe she would have to put ad in the paper. But she had to miss this one performance. It was her son's first event. He was the wrestler in the other ring and she couldn't miss his debut. He had trained so long.

"It was a brilliant, even visionary idea."

By AD

I wear the fire of the sun like night cloaks itself in darkness. With my eyes I see the truth for I am seeing really seeing. The strength of ten men is within me but people hate Raku, Son of Rac, for I am a tiger. You humans are so quick to judge us. You are ruled by media, you hipsters, goths and youtubers don't pay attention to the real world. You see movies with tiger attacks or stories of men being eaten by my kind. Some tigers do eat humans but you are horrible choices for dinner with flesh salty like the sea, bones like glass and blood thick as oil. They fear us due to the stories, they see us a monsters on earth, demons, a wolf in sheep's clothing. Why can't you humans see that I just want to share the world we live in together. We share the same, see the same earth, the same sun and moon. This is both of our homes. I walk with you now with my young for this is our home too. It was a brilliant perhaps even visionary idea.

"Or are you planning to use voodoo on him, too?"
by CC

Oh, crap, Angela thought as her body flew into the air and fluttered above her desk, to which she clung with grim intensity. "Blaine," she cried to the man standing across the room. "I know I said I was glued to my desk and couldn't go out with you tonight. I know it was a poor choice of words. I'm sorry. I will go out with you!"

Blaine stroked the headless chicken he had sacrificed to the gods the night before. The bitch was dating Rick Peterson. He saw them yesterday at Starbucks cooing over their frappucinos. So as far as he cared, she could just be glued to her desk all night. "Aren't you going out with Rick tonight, Angela?" he asked. "I don't believe you want to go out with me at all. I think I'll just wait for Rick to show up."

"Then what, Blaine! He won't like what you've done to me. Or are you planning to use voodoo on him, too?"





Session May 18 2013

http://jetsetta.com/travel/utterly-unusual-vending-machines-of-asia/

"On the distant horizon the erupting volcano was barely visible to us."
by RMAF

On the distant horizon the erupting volcano was barely visible to us. We knew the hot lava was coming because the highly intelligent robotic coca cola machine stood up and began walking away from the volcanic eruption. We all followed the robot hoping it would know the way to safety.

http://www.aquiziam.com/strange-places-people-live.html

"I said to myself: "what ought a boy to do who has stolen a green watermelon?"
by PV

You get a lot of unanswered questions spending time on an offshore platform. We are a pretty close-knit bunch, each of us for the most part adept at scooting around each others' idiosyncracies - so, one night we talked about stealing, everying from snatching a sister's life savers off her dresser, to grand theft. It is paradoxical that a strange sort of approval follows anything grand in scale, however heinous. So here I was, staring at the bright moon in a gigantic melon patch, luscious globes everywhere. And I said to myself, "What ought a boy to do who has stolen a green watermelon?" I remembed what an older (much older) friend, who had a melon patch, once said: "You know, stolen fruit tastes best." So I ate the melon.

http://blog.rampantphoto.com/post/659821600/years-ago-before-i-really-got-into-photography-a

"Now, yes, I have a ten thousand times worse decision to make."
by TT

"I'm the one. I ordered the forest to be turned into chipboard and more softee tissues. I am CEO of the large corporate conglomerate that manufactures many products using timber. We have almost taken all the trees out of the Northwest and the Southwest of the U.S. We buy raw material from Japan who exploit islands and large areas in Indonesia. Many animals have gone extinct because of the devastation. I made billions of dollars and gave quite a few jobs away to big machinery. Loss of habitat, loss of jobs. Now, yes, I have a ten thousand times worse decision to make. Climate change is my favorite hobby - disasters in particular fascinate me. I enjoy reading the newspaper about them and imagining how desperation affects these people. This is my own little hellish perversion.

http://www.tweakwindows.nl/wallpapers/animals/4732/Eekhoorn.html

"Staring at my reflection."
by CC

I'm staring at my reflection and liking it. It suits me, this full-cheeked gravitas. Greed is good, or so I hear. But pretty soon I've got to let it all go. Can I, though?  It's so tempting to just hang on to it all. I wish someone would take my picture like this. I'd like to hang a copy of it in my hole. Mrs. Munk would be impressed. Tail, up! I look sort of Chinese this way, don't you think?

http://www.foodandwine.com/slideshows/andrew-zimmern-wild-seafood-adventures\

"I saw a nuisance that I was trying to learn to respect."
by AD

I saw a nuisance that I was trying to learn to respect. I saw a man born on these islands when I went there for a fishing trip. The man's name was Vega, or "Bright Star." He looks to the moon and stars for hours on end and takes up the strength and skills of animals. The raw power of a bear, the eye of a hawk, he swims in the extremely powerful ocean currents with the ease of a sea lion. His skill is amazing and he should pass down his skills to the next generation, but I wish he would stop stealing the fish off my line for his dinner. What he had eaten off my line could have given me a day's worth of California Rolls.

weird_stuff_cool_crazy_offbeat_only_in_africa_200907241502163503.jpg

"I've learned not to fight to be right"
by GS

I had a feeling there were too many of us to make it to the picnic in Marvin's old pickup, but they were determined to try anyway! When the truck's frame broke loudly we all cheered. I've learned not to fight to be right.

Session: May 4, 2013



http://andrewtheplanner.blogspot.com/2007/10/unusual-things-on-wikipedia.html

 This morning his pleasure was laced with nostalgia.
By CC

Jared Peabottom could never do anything right, but when his mother's house sank into the ground, he smirked. This one wasn't his fault. His conscience was clear, and he felt good. Of course this morning he had broken his windshield with his dentures - not many could manage that, he thought ruefully, suddenly embarrassed by his toothless smile. Inside, he could hear the old bat squawking angrily as she climbed over her furniture towards the door. He was glad the house was gone, as now his whole sordid life history could be razed to the ground. Yet - there were some good times, too. He remembered holding the cat under the water in the grand old clawfooted bath tub. Now, that was nice. This morning his pleasure was laced with nostalgia.

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/avril-lavigne/images/7087805/title/avril-lavignes-unusual-photoshot-photo

"Then, in a flash of decision, the answer came to him."
by PV

Then, in a flash of decision, the answer came to him. I've treated her badly. Her neglect was all the more abject than her scattered companions - they had retired into the indifferent neglect so common to their species once their mistresses were drawn away by real world distractions and the business of growing up. She still had the indrawn breath of 'what have I done, how did I fail, was I not there all the time, accepting in his moments of rage and laughter? Oh, why was I ever made with more than sawdust for brains?' She was not alone in this question put by so many that she envied - who were really in the same state when their carefully arranged supports fell away. I began to wash her face of the miniscule tears which had gathered there.

http://www.leisuremartini.com/die/

"So did they then think up between them the full details of an alibi?"
by GS

I knew I could not just pretend that everything was OK. If I failed my creative writing class I would probably be expelled since I was already on academic probation after last semester's abysmal grades. Throwing myself at the professor's feet, I begged for mercy. She hesitated momentarily, then hustled me to her car and we drove off together. She offered me a deal: I would help murder her husband, and she would change my grade from F to B+. I hesitated only a moment. I knew her husband was a real SOB who abused his employees, so had no real compunctions about luring him to his death. It went off without a hitch and she shot him behind the county dump where I had convinced him to come. When the police started questioning everyone, we were ready. We had arranged for our alibis in full detail so they corroborated each other. We felt very safe until the police discovered my changed grade. When they read my assignments they knew I did not deserve a B+ so they kept digging until it all blew apart. Our abili was disproved and we are awaiting trial. At least I now have lots of time to practice creative writing.

http://laughpls.blogspot.com/2010/10/funny-animals.html

"Nuclear warheads are in circulation in the world."
by RMAF

Nuclear warheads are in circulation in the world. Most of the people are very concerned about it. And even the animals, too. This prairie dog has taken to drinking alcohol to help him forget about the war mongers plans to do harm to the human race, innocent animals and nature.

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/animal-odd-couples-gallery-1.15654

"Ochre cloth is the traditional garb of the renunciant."
By TT

Lester and MacKenzie grew up together. When Lester (who was a real pig) decided to go into a monastery and renounce the world with all the goodies that the farmer's son would bring him. He told MacKenzie (his boxer friend) about his decision. MacKenzie didn't think much of the idea. He said, "ochre cloth is the traditional garb of the renunciant." MacKenzie thought food was next to godliness and ochre wasn't a good color for Lester's complexion. Although they remained friends, they parted ways and Lester became a thin, priggish pig with an ochre colored robe and wired bifocals. The last time they met they were spiritually divergent and couldn't agree on ecclesiastical or ecumenical propriety. They quarreled and never saw one another again.




http://www.leisuremartini.com/die/

 "William made everyone swear an oath of loyalty to him."
by AD

William made everyone swear an oath of loyalty to him and to admit that his family were the best farmers on this side of Ireland. William is part of the Riley family. They have red hair that glows like red flames and dress in rich shades of green and always have a large harvest, even in times of famine. They always carry a a pipe held tight in their teeth. They were liked by many but they are short people, rarely growing over five feet. Because of this they were annoyed with the same two words for the last four centuries. They have been called "hobbits" and "leprechauns." Well, if William is Leprechaun, then he has found the biggest piece of Irish gold on this side of Ireland.