Session March 12, 2016

https://static-secure.guim.co.uk/sys-images /Travel /Pix /pictures /2010 /2/23 / 1266946701835/Christ-the-Redeemer-overl-001.jpg    

 “Please stop that,” she told Carl. “It really upsets me.”

by RC

Carl was not really a mischievous boy, just very imaginative and fun loving. His Mother, Chloris, didn’t like to spoil his fun, but she definitely had her pet peeves. When Carl and his parents went for a vacation to Rio, they expected that it might be a bit boring for him; but it was a place they had wanted to go before Carl came along, and this was the time.

When the plane came in over Rio, early in the morning, the weather was very clear and the lights of the city had not yet been turned off. Suddenly Carl, who had the window seat, pointed out and exclaimed, “Look, Mom. Look, Dad. There’s Jesus, standing over the city.”

“That’s not Jesus,” Carl’s father, Carlos, said. “It’s a statue of Jesus.”

“Oh no, that’s Jesus,” Carl insisted. He put out both hands the way the Jesus had them out, but one of his hands came within an inch of his mother’s face.

“Please don’t do that in the plane,” Chloris said.

Carl folded his hands into his lap. But a couple of minutes later it was the same thing. When they landed, Carl walked through the airport with his hands out like Jesus. He walked up to within a few feet of people and stood in front of them with his hands out like Jesus. They had to go around him, for they wouldn’t stop, and the expression on their faces told Chloris that they were annoyed.

“Please stop that,” she told Carl. “It really upsets me.”

At that moment, a man came up to Carl. He was very dark and Chloris assumed he might be coming home. “Are you Jesus?” He asked Carl.

“Yes, I’m Jesus,” Carl replied.

“That is great!” the man replied. He looked at Carl’s parents, who had stopped by their son. “I am Hector Gonzalez,” he said, “and I make commercials for the city.” I would like to use your son for one of them. I think he’s terrific!”

“Really?” Carlos answered. “Are you sure you know what you’re getting into?”

“Absolutely!” Hector said.

They had not been in their hotel for thirty minutes when Hector knocked on the door. Carl was excited to go with him, and Carlos and Chloris had mixed emotions. Of course, they were somewhat glad to have that second honeymoon after all. On the other hand, they didn’t particularly want to encourage Carl’s imagination any more.

Imagine their surprise when Carl returned a week later in a limousine. He had now become a celebrity. But he couldn’t seem to fold his hands. Just as fast as Chloris would fold them down, they would pop up again.

“It’ll wear off,” Carlos assured them. “I think for our next vacation we’ll go to Israel,” Carlos quipped.

http://www.decodedstuff.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/elephants.jpg    

Barnaby's Fate

Barnaby lived his whole life in a small cabin behind a grove of Aspen trees.
by TNT

Barnaby lived his whole life in a small cabin behind a grove of Aspen trees. He was a hermit and a writer.

To research one article he was writing, he decided to take all his savings and go to Africa. He took a safari and was able to see all the animals he had read about. His greatest thrill however was to be attacked by a herd of elephants while taking photos. The elephants couldn't be blamed however since the poachers had killed most of them. 

The photos came out in a magazine after he died from being stomped to death by elephants. It was his destiny and he had accepted it - after all, it was a much more romantic death than being thrown from a moving vehicle or a plane crash - an anonymous victim of the commonplace.

http://www.weathersnapshot.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/1681.jpg    

She was grateful for all her blessings, and wished for more of them.

By MD

Whenever she prayed, she made it a habit to count her blessings first.  She was grateful for all her blessings, and wished for more of them.

“I shouldn’t be so greedy,” she mused.  “I’ve been blessed with children, a loving husband, a comfortable home, a country that gives me freedom, and the good health to enjoy them all.  Why should I want for more?”

So that morning, as she started her daily ritual of morning prayer, she determined not to ask for more blessings.  Instead, she prayed for trials, for sufferings, for burdens, to prove her devotion and her faith.

“Dear God,” she prayed, “please honor me with the privilege of proving my love for you.  Send some challenge, some suffering.  I will accept it and offer it as further proof of my love for you.”  Her prayers ended and she rose from her knees.

         
When the storm began, with howling winds and torrents of rain, she thought little of it.  But when the lightning flashes stilettoed through the sky, her breathing quickened.  And when the lightning struck her, traveling from her brain to her heart, exiting out her feet and into the floor, she knew her prayers had been answered.  And when she arrived at the pearly gates, St. Peter greeted her with “Come right in. He’s been waiting for you.”

         
And she replied, “Thank you for blessing me with answered prayers.”

http://cdn.mutantspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/jarred.jpg (Gilbert Garcin photography)

B & B

"Have a heart for once in your life," she yelled at him. "Don't you even care how I feel?"
by KC

It was dark as always. Dark as ever. Dark as the dark side of the moon. It was the dark side of the moon.

Sheila hated the darkness but Gilbert made life tolerable. Just tolerable, though.

"Good morning, Sunshine," Gilbert yelled. Sheila didn't hear him, but she knew what he said. The vacuum didn't allow sound, but he started every morning with the same greeting.

She loved Gilbert but didn't understand why he had requested separate rooms. Every year, separate rooms. 

She had enough. "Have a heart for once in your life," she yelled at him. "Don't you even care how I feel?"

Gilbert didn't hear her but he knew what she said. She started every morning with the same greeting.

https://lh5.ggpht.com/SMgk8OA7VqRKHrR8P1h8YjbMnjZP0eAD9elj3u8S5s7bCNnBpapRRUUaIM9bSoI1v25fAVjvtBUJEGULRTofpA=s1440    

He had always wanted to be a water buffalo and dreamed of finding the right costume to actualize his vision.
by GS

Life had been very difficult. One disaster after another had plagued him unmercifully. There was nothing to live for. Meditation as a therapy for depression appealed.

His guru recommended a pile of three rocks to hold his past, present and future, next to a lit candle to focus his inner vision, and perfect quiet to avoid distractions. This artificial arrangement somehow convinced him he had always wanted to be a water buffalo and dreamed of finding the right costume to actualize his vision.

He grabbed the rock holding his future and bashed it against his forehead thus bringing his vision to fruition. He was a real fruit cake!

http://www.comebackalive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/trainnsign640.jpg

"I hate camping," she replied. "It's cold and dirty and there's no bathroom."
by RMAF

"I hate camping," she replied. "It's cold and dirty and there's no bathroom. So you had this brainy idea of going camping in Afghanistan, what's the difference? I'll plan our next vacation!"

http://www.weathersnapshot.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/680.jpg

He did not enjoy working in the basement, especially since the experience last Saturday.

By CC

Wilbur used to love working in the basement, where he had customized his secret laboratory and was working on several strains of ricin based chocolates that he hoped to distribute through Girl Scout cookie sales later in the month.

But he did not enjoy working in the basement, especially since the experience last Saturday. He had been down there in his laboratory when the alien craft, disguised as a rotating supercell cloud, descendent on his farm property. He had been working diligently on incorporating ricin into milk proteins when, suddenly, a flash of light near his mini fridge caught his eye. He whirled around to find a lizard-like being in a spacesuit staring at him.

“We want the product,” said the Lizard.

“What product?” asked Wilbur, knowing perfectly well what they wanted but unwilling to give it to him. After all, Wilbur had worked for years on this and had a grand plan.

“Stop toying with us,” said the Lizard. “or are you really that stupid. We could just take it and turn you into ash.”

“Well,” said Wilbur, who had begun to feel very nervous and regressed a little in the face of superior authority. “I have a plan for all this,” he whined.

“So do we, and our plan is a lot better than yours.”

“What kind of plan?” Wilbur started to feel curious.

“None of your business,” said the Lizard. Suddenly the room lit up in purple radiance while the lizard vanished and the lab returned to normal. But Wilbur remained very nervous. He gathered up the chocolates he had made so far and stuck them in his pocket where they would be safe.

And now it was Friday. Time to get back to work. He wasn’t scared of any stinking lizard. In fact he felt pretty darn good. On his way down the stairs he popped a chocolate in his mouth and didn’t realize what he had done until he dropped to the laboratory floor.