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by MD
When Myra
attempted to release her pet sea bird into the wild, she had no idea little
Seamour already had a walrus friend. But
there, on the beach, as Seamour approached the waves, blubbery Bob, the
oversized walrus lumbered up and the two creatures renewed their friendship
right there before Myra’s eyes.
There was
nothing to do but take them both home with her, in spite of the fact that her
little two-room beach cottage was not equipped to accommodate blubbery
Bob. And in a very short time, the
entire place began to stink of walrus oil and bird droppings.
“I guess I
should have stuck to my guns about releasing Seamour, instead of relenting and
bringing both these wildlife friends home with me,” Myra mused.
But
unbeknownst to her, Seamour had a solution to the odor problem. Using his versatile beak, he was able to
strike a match and light one of Myra’s many fragrance candles. The odor dissipated quickly, but Seamour
failed to account for the flammability of blubbery Bob’s walrus oil which
coated the entire cottage. Very shortly,
a fire erupted.
Fortunately,
with quick action, Myra was able to extinguish the flames, but she knew that
Seamour and blubbery Bob would have to to.
“Get out!”
Myra shouted. “You nearly burnt the
house down,” she wailed.
The bird and
the walrus were downcast, but they left as requested.
“Well,” Myra
remarked after they left the home. “At
least the house doesn’t smell like wildlife.
Now how do I remove the smell of burnt furniture?”
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http://galleryoftheabsurd.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c301153ef019b04c0de01970d-450wi
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by TNT
They were the sweetest little sisters and loved each other so much they couldn't be apart. Their owner and master was named Burt, his wife was called Birdie. They were misers and hated buying dog food so the sisters were always hungry. They had to scrounge in garbage to get food. They were dirty and ragged and very skinny. Burt and Birdie didn't seem to notice.
One day Burt came home from work and told Birdie his Boss was supposed to come and go over some work with him a bit later. Birdie dressed up the two sisters in their best outfits and combed their ears and fringes around their feet. They were still very thin so she gave them Burt's dinner. By accident she gave the dogs' dinner to Burt. He felt ill after dinner and noticed how satisfied his wife looked. With salt and pepper and ketchup the dog food didn't really taste too bad. It fooled Burt.
When the Boss arrived the two little sisters looked quite presentable although Burt was a big queasy and tinged with green around his features - the Boss never noticed and everyone was well-represented.
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http://www.sandinmysuitcase.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Entrance-to-new-villa-photo-Tugu-Lombok.jpg
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By CC
Myrtle and John had made
reservations as soon as the hotel opened. It was the talk of Anchorage – a
glorious Indonesian themed-hotel designed to look like a Balinese temple. It
was one of the first domed installations in the US in fact, and would serve as a
prototype for other developments as pollution worsened in the lower 48. So
everyone had to see it – even if it did cost $1,500 per night for the low-end
room.
Myrtle said "Even the low
end room is going to be too swanky for us, eh?" She nudged John in the ribs with
her flannel clad elbow. They set out. It was too cold for her light jacket so
she took John’s pea coat. John grumbled a little but his 435 lbs kept him warm
most of the time.
Even naked it kept him
warm. He decided to take it all off. That would be pretty Indonesian, he
thought. Let’s celebrate all the way here. Myrtle thought he was being petty
and gave him the pea coat. "For God’s sake," she said, "Cover yourself." He did,
and they went on.
After they passed through
the airlock bubble entrance they were inside the hotel dome. Birds sang and
flitted through the ferns and trees. They proceeded up a staircase between two
gilded dragons. It was so warm that Myrtle took off her jacket. She looked
sadly at John as he slipped off pea coat. Then she had an idea.
The stairs were carpeted
in faux-leopard-skin. She snatched up a length of carpet and wrapped it around
John’s whale-like form. It had to be marginally less warm than his pea coat!
Suddenly five New Guineans in hotel dress clustered around him, laughing and
whistling. One of them asked if John could sing, and he launched into a
rendition of “House of the Rising Sun”. The staff could not contain their glee.
What a wonderful day,
thought Myrtle. We’ll remember this forever.
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https://vtfree2.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/fed2.jpg
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by RB
Bob Allen, Board of Directors, hired me at the round table. He was Executive Administrion representing the Board of Trustees. He liked me at the interview because I described relaxation techniques for meditation which he believed would help the clients of the school to reflect and accept their disabilities while we helped them train for a vocation. He hired me on the spot. And after 1 year of work I asked to work part time and relocate to Iowa for political reasons. He denied me this privilege of standing in between the state of New York and victims of accidental injury. Now the school is closed in Woodside, NY and I am in a better position to work with experienced care at the Round Table.
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http://conradhotels3.hilton.com/resources/media/ch/BPNCICI/en_US/img/shared/carousel/main/CN_infinity03_4.jpg
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by RMAF
"Let's get out of town," she suggested to her friend Liso. "Let's go to the Bali Hilton again. Wasn't that fun last month?"
"Sure it was fun, Lovely Lolla, but I spent my entire inheritance having fun once we got there. If we go to the Bali Hilton again any time soon, you'll have to spend your inheritance this time."
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http://i.livescience.com/images/i/000/055/035/i02/survive-lightning.jpg
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by RC
Alfred loved to use his
binoculars. The world just seemed more “there” when he looked through them. Of
course, that may have been because he was nearsighted I the extreme. His
optometrist had told him that he was as good as blind without them. The people
in the town where he lived in the Midwest were used to seeing the old guy
walking down the street with binoculars in hand, every now and then stopping and looking at something—even
something not that far away—with his binoculars. “At least,” some people said,
“he’s not looking at girls with that thing.”
Alfred loved to go to the
nearby park—if one could rightly call it that—and look at the animals up close.
However, at the deer exhibit, where the animals were given a very large
compound, he had some difficulty. He could barely make out the deer without his
binoculars.
Then one day a strange
thing happened. Alfred was driving in the country during a lightning storm. He
really wasn’t worried, although he probably should have been, because the
binoculars were so large and nearly all metal. He drove by the wreck of an old
barn, and Alfred wanted to see the barn up close, so he got out and walked up
to it. He actually walked inside the barn, or what was left of it, before the
lightning bolt came down on the exact spot where he stood.
The townspeople never knew
just how Alfred had been changed, because he didn’t tell them—he simply said
that he had been struck by “a bolt from above,”—but the change seemed
miraculous and marvelous. It had changed everything about the way he saw. He no
longer carried the binoculars and his vision seemed to be perfect. Furthermore,
Alfred seemed to be full of energy and youthful again. But they had no idea why
he giggled now every time a pretty girl walked by.
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http://newsroom.scania.com/br/files/2014/01/Roteiros-de-sucesso-G10-680x340.jpg
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by KC
It was a brilliant, crisp Moscow morning, and Svetlana had finally shed her huge coat and fur hat. As she strolled through town, she stopped at each shop window and allowed the sun's reflection to warm her entire body. She wasn't paying attention to the world and hadn't seen the boys until it was too late.
Svetlana turned and saw Ivan. He was with his brothers. His god damned brothers! She looked for a way out, she tried to avoid the group at the corner but knew that had seen her anyway.
Svetlana instinctively reached for her blade then realized it was in her coat pocket.
That's when Ivan saw her. He nudged Dimitri and the two broke into a full sprint, charging at Svetlana. She readied herself for a full-tilt hand-to-hand battle. It was her only chance.
That's when Uri's truck slid into the intersection - door open. Svetlana jumped in and kissed Uri.
"Moscow, Missouri sure has changed," she said.
Uri responded "Y'all can say that again!"
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https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Kd1tY1ekYSI/maxresdefault.jpg
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by GS
The warnings had been broadcast the day before, but as usual most residents were skeptical. Nothing much ever happened as predicted, and the impulse to live normally was strong.
Donald had a better excuse - no one had told him anything so he was right near the shore drinking his morning coffee when he looked up in amazement. "What do you suppose it is," he asked no-one in particular.
He had never heard the word tsunami much less seen one! What a way to die!
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