Session September 20, 2014

http://www.snappypixels.com/interesting/27-interesting-pictures-of-anything/

"I can trust my intuition."

by LJD

Hello and goodbye are the feelings I normally have when I am happy or sad. I must always remember to trust my intuition. When people refer to me as an airhead, I know from many years of pondering that very "thing" that I am not!

http://www.barnorama.com/wp-content/images/2011/03/b599/12.jpg

"It took them by surprise and they ran for their lives."

by RC

Josiah Smith believed in the old ways and he had a very classical bent, whether it was in literature, home decorations or clothing. People who came to his home were duly impressed with his Byzantine art, his ancient Torah scrolls, and his beautiful tapestries. But most of all, people were impressed by the length of his beard. Josiah loved showing it off, for it had taken him many years to grow. Most men could not have grown such a long beard no matter how many years they had to go at it, so Josiah was even more proud of it. Now, since he was over sixty years old, it was gray, tending to silver, but that just made him appear more dignified.

On his sixty-fifth birthday, Josiah invited all his friends to his big house for a party and he made sure that a photographer came to document the occasion. Everything went splendidly until the servants brought out his birthday cake. Now, since Josiah was so big on having everything perfect and old-fashioned, he personally counted the candles to make sure that there were sixty-five. Then a friend lit the cake and Josiah bent over to blow out the candles.

That is what started the disaster, as Josiah later called it.  You can probably guess what I am going to say next. Yep, his beard caught fire. As he was standing next to the drapes, they also caught fire. The guests were all horified; they had been expecting anything but this; it took them by surprise and they ran for their lives. Poor Josiah. A quick thinking servant did put out the fire on the curtains, by throwing a basin of water on it, but only afterwards thought about the fire on Josiah’s beard, which Josiah put out by dipping it in the water pitcher—what was left of it.

These days Josiah never goes out. He’s determined to live to one-hundred, which will just about bring his new beard up to the level it had been before.

http://funguerilla.com/images/funny-images/pets/pets17.jpg

"How could this happen - again?"

by RMAF

How could this happen - again? Last year at the big San Diego County Fair in the special foods section they had a "HDP" - which is short for "Hot Dachshund Pup" - for sale, I saw my siblings go last summer. Now I realize where they went to - farewell, cruel world! Diners close by could hear Awoooooooollll! as the pup was dropped into the bubbling, steaming grease.

http://www.snappypixels.com/interesting/27-interesting-pictures-of-anything/

"It was a mystery that none of us could understand."

by TNT

Why the old guy took the dog to the park every day on his head and shoulders was a mystery that none of us could understand. it wasn't a small dog, either. We conjectured, mused, and watched the old man as he went about his other affairs. He also danced alone in front of a mirror to an old time player piano which he wound up. I suppose we were nosy and peeked through the lace curtains. we tittered and made silly jokes, we gossiped as we crocheted and knitted for our grandchildren. What else is there for old folks in a home to do? The old guy lived next door and was always polite to us. We didn't dare ask him the question. One day a motorcycle pulled up to the old guy's yard and took the dog - on his shoulders and head. The dog and the man drove off in a roar. The dog apparently was a guide dog and was trained to look out for humans. The best way to see was to stand on the shoulders and head of the human. Well, it made sense and the mystery no longer intrigued us. We were satisfied and found someone else to gossip about as we knitted and crocheted. We decided to cover the furniture with crochet. It would take us the rest of our lives.

http://www.funzug.com/index.php/artwork/even-vegetables-can-be-interesting.html

"Louise had been pregnant before, but this time it was very different."

by AD

Louise was a friend of mine. Now, Louise had been pregnant before, but this time it was very different. She was about 8 months into her pregnancy but she was never out of energy or had any cravings or anything. She had plenty of energy to the point where if you didn't know any better you would think she had been drinking energy drinks and coffee all day long. She says it's all thanks to the vegan diet she started a year ago, which has turned her eyes from a dark brown to a vibrant green. I'm sitting here in the hospital now and she just delivered her children, six of them in fact. Now a vegan diet is supposed to do many things for you but I didn't expect this. 5 of the kids were some sort of exotic fruit and one was an orange, all with eyes and a mouth. Now, how do I explain to her husband that he is their father?

http://s2.djyimg.com/n3/eet-content/uploads/2013/12/Curator-of-mammals-Tim-Rowlands-with-Aluna-the-dik-dik.jpg

"They carried umbrellas anyway."

by PV

Now very little perturbed Igor. He was adept at consigning real and imagined insults to his library of stored rejoinders. He knew, though, this time the universe had gotten carried away. His article on the pygmies was meant to detail another departing lifestyle under the hammer and anvil of progress.With the upcoming strip malls in the Congo no one did any of the usual things anyway. The rain still fell, the old tottering Belgians weren't going to sing the new age of cell phones and electronic clouds but they carried umbrellas anyway. However, having an inquisitive Dik Dik on his desk was hopefully not a slant from the staff on the pushiness of his articles. 

http://ibnlive.in.com/photogallery/4663.html

"What did you expect," she asked. "A Princess?"

by CC

Ricardo lost his leg to an alligator when he was on vacation in the Everglades. His thoughtless friends joked that if he couldn’t run away from an alligator, he was a pretty sad case. Well, Ricardo felt pretty sad, but then he got mad. He would mortgage his soul to get one of those titanium racing legs and then he would run day and night. Not only would he outrun all the alligators on the world, even if they were being shot at him by cannons, but he would outrun the sun and the moon.

Well, he did get his titanium leg, and learned how to walk on it, then run on it. Nobody felt sorry for him anymore, but he was still determined to outrun everything on the planet and beyond. He decided to race the moon first.

Sleeping by day, he carbo loaded at dinner and then set out up the hill in the back of his house. He ran night after night as the moon grew fuller and fuller. At the full of the moon he was racing her neck and neck up the slope when suddenly the moon went out and then flicked back on. Startled, he stopped. Suddenly he heard a voice coming down from the heavens:  “Do you think I’m going to play nice with you when all you want is to win?” He looked up in amazement. Was the moon talking to him?  

“What did you expect,” she asked. “A Princess?”

“Well,” he said, “I do need to win. I’m sorry, but it’s a vow I made to myself when I lost my leg.” 

“You have a bigger problem than that,” said the Moon. “Tell you what, we’ll race and if you win I’ll take that mortgage off your soul.”

Ricardo was dumbfounded. Yes, he recalled saying something like that years ago. But really, he never signed anything. It was a just casual comment reflecting the intensity of his emotions at the moment.

Suddenly the Moon took off at top speed across the sky. Ricardo had no more time to think. He ran and ran up the hill as the moon sped across the sky above him. Eventually he caught up to and passed her, though he was pretty sure she winked at him and let him win.

Winning and losing suddenly lost their savor. He felt debt free at long last. He looked up to see the moon hidden behind clouds now, but he waved anyway, then started to walk towards home.