Saturday, June 1, 2013

Session June 1 2013

"In the north and east they are highly migratory, heading west and south during autumn."
by PV

The flapping of their leathery wings was dying away. Maybe, just maybe, it was safe to come out. Muffin stayed back, uncertain after all had taken place this morning. Her world was upside down, the kitchen was in an uproar over the sightings and had neglected to put out the usual saucer of milk. Of course Slick Sylvester would know, he had weathered a lot of storms. Muffin felt sick to see all her siblings scattered in the grass like fluffs of thistledown. Their souls were seeping upward, gaining altitude, up, up and over the brightly colored fluttering leaves. Muffin remembered her mom saying "in the north and east they are highly migratory, heading west and south during autumn - those hounds of hell."



"She could not understand what he had been through."
By RMAF

The amorous female polar bear I met up in northern Alaska took a personal liking to me in my white hooted fur coat and muck muck boots. But I told her I had already gone through four divorces with big, bear-like women and wasn't willing to take another chance at love. So we waved good bye to each other.


"Then, without warning or fanfare, we won."
by GS

The feline dance contest was the highlight of the spring social calendar. Bootsie spent many minutes practicing his ballet moves, which is a long time for a cat, of course. Most of what they do is completely innate so practice is superfluous. The first prize of a whole can of tuna fish was the great motivator. As Bootsie's driver, I was also thrilled to be in the running since I could win the gift card for dinner at Mel's Fish House, the swankiest place on the Cape. The competition was formidable including last year's winner, Kittles, who did the tango. Did we even have a chance? Finally the day arrived and I drove Bootsie to the arena where he sparkled and received much applause for his Swan Lake.The results were finally announced, and then, without warning or fanfare, we won! The can of tuna was quickly devoured.



"Sharon drummed her fingers on the table, clearly worried about the same thing."
By TNT

Sharon is from New Jersey - she can't help it if her husband is a wrestler on Wrestlemania. He makes a good living even when he loses. His wrestling name is Bull-Nut Brain-Basher, the Unvanquished. He has a great physique married only by toes that turn outwards. He walks flat-footed; when he walks, he sways. He has been punched in the head too many times to remember where his house is so she always drives him home. Today Sharon drummed her fingers on the table, clearly worried about the same thing. She couldn't pick him up and she was worried he would get in the wrong vehicle and go somewhere else and then never find his way back to the New Jersey turnpike and the street where he lived. He'd probably take on a whole new identity and personality. How would she ever find him? Maybe she would have to put ad in the paper. But she had to miss this one performance. It was her son's first event. He was the wrestler in the other ring and she couldn't miss his debut. He had trained so long.




"It was a brilliant, even visionary idea."
By AD

I wear the fire of the sun like night cloaks itself in darkness. With my eyes I see the truth for I am seeing really seeing. The strength of ten men is within me but people hate Raku, Son of Rac, for I am a tiger. You humans are so quick to judge us. You are ruled by media, you hipsters, goths and youtubers don't pay attention to the real world. You see movies with tiger attacks or stories of men being eaten by my kind. Some tigers do eat humans but you are horrible choices for dinner with flesh salty like the sea, bones like glass and blood thick as oil. They fear us due to the stories, they see us a monsters on earth, demons, a wolf in sheep's clothing. Why can't you humans see that I just want to share the world we live in together. We share the same, see the same earth, the same sun and moon. This is both of our homes. I walk with you now with my young for this is our home too. It was a brilliant perhaps even visionary idea.


"Or are you planning to use voodoo on him, too?"
by CC

Oh, crap, Angela thought as her body flew into the air and fluttered above her desk, to which she clung with grim intensity. "Blaine," she cried to the man standing across the room. "I know I said I was glued to my desk and couldn't go out with you tonight. I know it was a poor choice of words. I'm sorry. I will go out with you!"

Blaine stroked the headless chicken he had sacrificed to the gods the night before. The bitch was dating Rick Peterson. He saw them yesterday at Starbucks cooing over their frappucinos. So as far as he cared, she could just be glued to her desk all night. "Aren't you going out with Rick tonight, Angela?" he asked. "I don't believe you want to go out with me at all. I think I'll just wait for Rick to show up."

"Then what, Blaine! He won't like what you've done to me. Or are you planning to use voodoo on him, too?"



Saturday, May 18, 2013

Session May 18 2013

http://jetsetta.com/travel/utterly-unusual-vending-machines-of-asia/

"On the distant horizon the erupting volcano was barely visible to us."
by RMAF

On the distant horizon the erupting volcano was barely visible to us. We knew the hot lava was coming because the highly intelligent robotic coca cola machine stood up and began walking away from the volcanic eruption. We all followed the robot hoping it would know the way to safety.


http://www.aquiziam.com/strange-places-people-live.html
"I said to myself: "what ought a boy to do who has stolen a green watermelon?"
by PV

You get a lot of unanswered questions spending time on an offshore platform. We are a pretty close-knit bunch, each of us for the most part adept at scooting around each others' idiosyncracies - so, one night we talked about stealing, everying from snatching a sister's life savers off her dresser, to grand theft. It is paradoxical that a strange sort of approval follows anything grand in scale, however heinous. So here I was, staring at the bright moon in a gigantic melon patch, luscious globes everywhere. And I said to myself, "What ought a boy to do who has stolen a green watermelon?" I remembed what an older (much older) friend, who had a melon patch, once said: "You know, stolen fruit tastes best." So I ate the melon.


"Now, yes, I have a ten thousand times worse decision to make."
by TT

"I'm the one. I ordered the forest to be turned into chipboard and more softee tissues. I am CEO of the large corporate conglomerate that manufactures many products using timber. We have almost taken all the trees out of the Northwest and the Southwest of the U.S. We buy raw material from Japan who exploit islands and large areas in Indonesia. Many animals have gone extinct because of the devastation. I made billions of dollars and gave quite a few jobs away to big machinery. Loss of habitat, loss of jobs. Now, yes, I have a ten thousand times worse decision to make. Climate change is my favorite hobby - disasters in particular fascinate me. I enjoy reading the newspaper about them and imagining how desperation affects these people. This is my own little hellish perversion.




"Staring at my reflection."
by CC

I'm staring at my reflection and liking it. It suits me, this full-cheeked gravitas. Greed is good, or so I hear. But pretty soon I've got to let it all go. Can I, though?  It's so tempting to just hang on to it all. I wish someone would take my picture like this. I'd like to hang a copy of it in my hole. Mrs. Munk would be impressed. Tail, up! I look sort of Chinese this way, don't you think?



http://www.foodandwine.com/slideshows/andrew-zimmern-wild-seafood-adventures\
"I saw a nuisance that I was trying to learn to respect."
by AD

I saw a nuisance that I was trying to learn to respect. I saw a man born on these islands when I went there for a fishing trip. The man's name was Vega, or "Bright Star." He looks to the moon and stars for hours on end and takes up the strength and skills of animals. The raw power of a bear, the eye of a hawk, he swims in the extremely powerful ocean currents with the ease of a sea lion. His skill is amazing and he should pass down his skills to the next generation, but I wish he would stop stealing the fish off my line for his dinner. What he had eaten off my line could have given me a day's worth of California Rolls.


weird_stuff_cool_crazy_offbeat_only_in_africa_200907241502163503.jpg
"I've learned not to fight to be right"
by GS

I had a feeling there were too many of us to make it to the picnic in Marvin's old pickup, but they were determined to try anyway! When the truck's frame broke loudly we all cheered. I've learned not to fight to be right.



Saturday, May 4, 2013

Session: May 4, 2013


http://andrewtheplanner.blogspot.com/2007/10/unusual-things-on-wikipedia.html
 This morning his pleasure was laced with nostalgia.
By CC

Jared Peabottom could never do anything right, but when his mother's house sank into the ground, he smirked. This one wasn't his fault. His conscience was clear, and he felt good. Of course this morning he had broken his windshield with his dentures - not many could manage that, he thought ruefully, suddenly embarrassed by his toothless smile. Inside, he could hear the old bat squawking angrily as she climbed over her furniture towards the door. He was glad the house was gone, as now his whole sordid life history could be razed to the ground. Yet - there were some good times, too. He remembered holding the cat under the water in the grand old clawfooted bath tub. Now, that was nice. This morning his pleasure was laced with nostalgia.


"Then, in a flash of decision, the answer came to him."
by PV

Then, in a flash of decision, the answer came to him. I've treated her badly. Her neglect was all the more abject than her scattered companions - they had retired into the indifferent neglect so common to their species once their mistresses were drawn away by real world distractions and the business of growing up. She still had the indrawn breath of 'what have I done, how did I fail, was I not there all the time, accepting in his moments of rage and laughter? Oh, why was I ever made with more than sawdust for brains?' She was not alone in this question put by so many that she envied - who were really in the same state when their carefully arranged supports fell away. I began to wash her face of the miniscule tears which had gathered there.





"So did they then think up between them the full details of an alibi?"
by GS

I knew I could not just pretend that everything was OK. If I failed my creative writing class I would probably be expelled since I was already on academic probation after last semester's abysmal grades. Throwing myself at the professor's feet, I begged for mercy. She hesitated momentarily, then hustled me to her car and we drove off together. She offered me a deal: I would help murder her husband, and she would change my grade from F to B+. I hesitated only a moment. I knew her husband was a real SOB who abused his employees, so had no real compunctions about luring him to his death. It went off without a hitch and she shot him behind the county dump where I had convinced him to come. When the police started questioning everyone, we were ready. We had arranged for our alibis in full detail so they corroborated each other. We felt very safe until the police discovered my changed grade. When they read my assignments they knew I did not deserve a B+ so they kept digging until it all blew apart. Our abili was disproved and we are awaiting trial. At least I now have lots of time to practice creative writing.


http://laughpls.blogspot.com/2010/10/funny-animals.html
"Nuclear warheads are in circulation in the world."
by RMAF

Nuclear warheads are in circulation in the world. Most of the people are very concerned about it. And even the animals, too. This prairie dog has taken to drinking alcohol to help him forget about the war mongers plans to do harm to the human race, innocent animals and nature.



"Ochre cloth is the traditional garb of the renunciant."
By TT

Lester and MacKenzie grew up together. When Lester (who was a real pig) decided to go into a monastery and renounce the world with all the goodies that the farmer's son would bring him. He told MacKenzie (his boxer friend) about his decision. MacKenzie didn't think much of the idea. He said, "ochre cloth is the traditional garb of the renunciant." MacKenzie thought food was next to godliness and ochre wasn't a good color for Lester's complexion. Although they remained friends, they parted ways and Lester became a thin, priggish pig with an ochre colored robe and wired bifocals. The last time they met they were spiritually divergent and couldn't agree on ecclesiastical or ecumenical propriety. They quarreled and never saw one another again.



http://www.leisuremartini.com/die/
 "William made everyone swear an oath of loyalty to him."
by AD

William made everyone swear an oath of loyalty to him and to admit that his family were the best farmers on this side of Ireland. William is part of the Riley family. They have red hair that glows like red flames and dress in rich shades of green and always have a large harvest, even in times of famine. They always carry a a pipe held tight in their teeth. They were liked by many but they are short people, rarely growing over five feet. Because of this they were annoyed with the same two words for the last four centuries. They have been called "hobbits" and "leprechauns." Well, if William is Leprechaun, then he has found the biggest piece of Irish gold on this side of Ireland.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Session April 20 2013

And now for something entirely different:  One Picture - Many Responses

"He found his thoughts, somehow, dissolving."
by TT

Harry Schaffer put on his "thinking cap" which was a stuffed squid. He would consider his next escapade - should he blow up the dam? Or not? Let the penguins loose at Sea World? He would consider the consequences and decide. He found his thoughts, somehow, dissolving.


"I was at least doing my duty all those hours."
by PV
At first I thought it was an octopus, but then on clearer examination I realized it was a cloth squid which was gobbling my cranium. One thing nice about having your brains eaten is that, unlike other parts of your body, there is no pain. In a way, it started me thinking - with my rapidly diminishing capacity for reflection - that perhaps it was a new kind of therapy: A psychologist's - behavioral, that is - way to flense out those cobwebs in one's brain. In the beginning, we just tried on a number of hats, and the psychologists behind the two way mirrors were to note our subtle or not so subtle facial tics. However it would put some money in my pocket, assuming I knew what a pocket was after this. I was at least doing my duty all those hours.


"What an impossible task I've been given!"
by CC
I've suspected her for a long time. She's been on my radar. But I can't pin anything on her yet. There's not enough evidence. Every time she walks down the sidewalk in front of my house, I know what she's thinking. She's thinking how to get rid of me. All the neighbors listen to her. They don't want me around. It's my hat. Nobody knows what an impossible task I've been given! I am working for Dagon the Fish God! I have to wear this hat for my job! I keep telling my doctor how hard it is to wear this thing 24/7. He doesn't understand either. I think she's talked to him, too.


"He waited for approval."
by AD

Ned was excited to finally be getting his drivers license. He had been trying for 13 years now. He passed his drivers test. He was feeling great. He went and ate lunch at his favorite place, Sea Food-Eat Food, an ocean restaurant. He ate there, but had a kid's meal, for they had been open only one day and were giving something away with the meal. After lunch he went to get his picture taken for his license. You can imagine the photographer's surprise to see a 30 year old man wearing a bright yellow squid hat for his drivers license photograph. He waited for approval.


"Bert was a passionate enthusiast for all things green and ecologically sound."
by RMAF

"Bertie Boy" was a very passionate enthusiast for all things green and ecologically sound. That's why he never brushed his teeth after eating salad. And that's also why he wore his stuffed green squid hat every time he went to the grocery store to pick out his salad makings - so people would know he's serious about being green.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Session April 6. 2013

"I don't intend to sit at home any more, Elgin."
by CC

Barry stood up on his furry back legs and waved his paws around. "You see my point," he said.

"Sit down, for God's sake. You really aren't built for dancing, plus it's demeaning," said his brother, Elgin.

"I know, but it's my only way out." Barry teetered a little but kept his balance. It was Elgin's only way out, too, but he wasn't going to come right out and say so. Elgin could figure it out for himself.

"I don't intend to sit at home any more, Elgin. Do you think I should study ballroom dancing?"

"Oh, sure, be ordinary. Every stupid dancing bear waltzes. Why don't you go for something more dramatic, like a tango?"

Barry looked up at Elgin. "My legs aren't strong enough for that, plus you need a partner. Elgin, would you help? We would be a real hit! We would go places, you know it."

"Well," sighed Elgin. "OK. What else am I gonna do?"





tumblr_ky718srLZ21qa9b8ro1_1280

"She was at pains to show she had not made much of an effort."
by TT

"A Buffalo Head Nichol."

Mister Nathan Nichols lived across the street from my mother's shop where she sold costumes and masks and hats. He was actually shorter than my mother who was a thin and haughty five foot six. She and Nathan were friends. She made him pose for her and took photos.

One day I visited her and walked down the narrow hall into the laundry room. Someone was standing there with the head of a buffalo. A muffled voice said: "Help me get this damned thing off - I'm suffocating and I can't get this head off." I began to laugh. It was Nathan Nichols, the stodgy census-taker from across the street.

I began to pull. I pulled and pulled at the buffalo head. It was so tight. It wouldn't fit through the door or in the hallway. Poor Nathan! How would he get out of the laundry room? How in fact did he get in there? I said, "Well, we need to get some help with this. I'll call my Mother." When I called she said she couldn't come up. She had custom fitting to do. So finally I rummaged in a drawer to find scissors. "What are you going to do," said Nathan anxiously. "I'll try to cut some of the fur around the neck," I said.

Just then Mother burst into the room with a Samurai sword and a bottle of vaseline. We heaved and pulled - feet against the wall. Finally when it came off Nathan was thrown across the room and down the hall. My Mother dusted off her hands. She was at pains to show she had not made much of an effort.




Saturday, March 23, 2013

Session March 23, 2013

http://visboo.com/funny-dogs.html
It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last.
by RMAF

It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last. I know I shouldn't have had sex with that stuffed toy pug dog but I couldn't control my doggie urges. He was so available, so cuddly, so cute and so warm! And I thought I heard him say that I was so cute!




environmentalgraffiti.com
They never regretted a moment of it, which surprised everyone.
by PV

The party was over. Perhaps they had overdone it a bit. Thankfully the fireworks inside hadn't broken any windows. The heat had blistered the ceilings when the gravity had been increased and the whole cathedral edifice began its descent. The light was still good and most of the revelers were passed out outside. Viewed with horror by the populace trapped along with them in this descent to hell, they never regretted a moment of it, which surprised everyone. Had they no unforgivable sins?




herbmother.com
I haven't found an acceptable alternative
recited by GS
reinterpreted via faulty memory by CC

The child had long ago begun to run free in the gardens. He explored every bush and the crops growing in rows, until of course the crops were fenced off. He was an adventurous eater, and had decimated pretty much everything his parents had tried to grow. Pretty soon he was reduced to scavenging in small side lots and secret patches. As there wasn't much foliage, he learned to nibble dirt. Pretty soon dirt seemed to become his favorite food. His parents did not know what to do with him. His father found it innovative. His mother was less sanguine but still perplexed. "He's not having any other problems, and I haven't found an acceptable alternative," she said.



ballybofeyandstranorlar.com
Strange things were happening around him.
By BG

Strange things were happening around him. It was so hard to not be able to participate in the activities he saw from his position. Even though he pointed and gestured and sometimes offered silent opinions, no one ever took time to notice any activity from his direction. He so wished he was somewhere else, somewhere like that Hogwarts Castle he'd heard whispers about, where it was recognized that all of the portraits had the ability to interact with the living inhabitants and help them make decisions. It wasn't fair, being stuck at the Vatican while all of the ambulatory gathered for a vote of some sort and no one even bothered to clue the portrait contingency in as to what all the commotion was about.




http://www.binau.com/Kent/blog/2009_03_01_archive.html
It wasn't my idea
by CC

"It wasn't my idea," squawked Alicia, flapping her wings and walking on tiptoe as if she were still wearing high heels. Since she had been turned into a turkey five years ago, life had become exponentially worse. Wendy, her former friend, her pretend friend, always kept an unnatural distance now. Don't tell me she's not reacting, thought Alicia angrily. Gobble! Gobble! she shouted before she could stop herself. Damn! It's like having Tourette's, she thought. "As I was saying," she began again, "this was not MY idea, as you know!" It was so hard to enunciate with this darn stubby tounge and the hideous beak. She spoke slowly and took long, elegant steps on her toes. "Yes, now I have slimmer legs and I'm a lot bustier, but I never wanted to be an actual bird." Wendy tutted from her position down the block. "Why don't you come closer, Wendy, I can't hear you half a block away! You act like you're embarrassed to be seen with me now!"




http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kissing_dogs_edit_Lycaon.jpg
The last time I saw him.
By TNT

Snacking is a full time occupation for chipmunks. Daryll and Daisy met and kissed their greetings as usual. They divided up the Cheetos while talking about Berty.
"Last time I saw him, he was turned into a pair of sandals."
"Oh, how awful! Tragic!"
"Yes, isn't it? Well, the Indians tanned leather by smoking it over old wood, very old, so old it had no sap left. It becomes tough enough to resist cactus spines and rattlesnake bites. It stays flexible and soft. And if you are hungry, you can eat your sandals like jerky."
"Well, it's not as good as Cheetos."
"Tata, Darling -See you later!"
Kiss, Kiss.



As inconsequential as the whole experience might have been, I came to see it as a perfect opportunity.
by AD

As inconsequential as the whole experience might have been, I came to see it as a perfect opportunity. I still live with my Mother, and we have no money, a rotten cot, a little overgrown garden and a pig, but today I will change all of that. The Prince of Spain is having a bull run but with women as the bulls. We are to wear wedding dresses and caps with bull horns, and run a 50 mile race to his palace. He will marry the winner. It has been 48 miles in this race and even though I am a little supersized, as I put it, I ran a hell of a lot faster than the other women! A blond falls back and I take first place. The Prince walks out to me, pulls his hand on my head and says, This race was just a bunch of bull shit! Excuse me, I shout. He pulls the hat over my face and yells, April Fools, and runs off making Daffy Duck noises.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Session March 9, 2013

news.com.au
"As you grow used to this practice, you can start taking more risks."
by RMAF

Beyond the Iron Man Race.  
As you grow used to this practice, you can start taking more risks. First, you have to be a bit coo-coo and an excellent swimmer - or don't do this latest "crazy extreme super sport". You ride your bike up the rocky trail with your surfboard strapped on your sunhat. Then you run over the wall of wet rocks with your surfboard at your side. Then you jog up the 222 steps of the lighthouse while dragging your surfboard over each step. You kiss the light in the lens room, then you go out the door on to the deck. When the next super wave comes, you take a deep breath and jump from the railing with your surfboard. And you hope for some saving miracle to happen.

This is all being filmed by the Society of Super Coo-Coo Extreme Sports so they will know which of the super fools gets the grand award. By the way, the reward is getting all your hospital bills paid or a surfer's memorial circle event at sea.




jimmccormac.blogspot.com
"You don't have to apologize."
By PV

"Ethel, just because you were cavorting away in wild abandon in the absence of coyotes gone to their late afternoon howl..." 

"Well," said Helen, "For once I really understand your hoydenish way - in that time of impertinent tails and saucy ways. And I am not just a vegetating stump spouting our clan's homilies. I, too, shocking as it may seem, was like you and still am in my afternoon dreams. You don't have to apologize."

"Now?" Helen grinned impishly, "That over, I'm ready to play."




"That was a strange thing to say, but it made me feel better."
by TT

The child looked bemused. There were plenty of toys to play with, but instead she listened to the psychologist talking to her parents. The psychologist said, "Isn't it extraordinary that children this age still believe in magic? Elves and Santa and the Great Pumpkin or the Easter Bunney."

The child's mother smiled. "I think it's rather extraordinary that adults don't know what children know. Everything is real. It's just in various disguises. You, for instance, you are a well-educated scientist on the outside but really, deep down, aren't you actually a garden gnome?"

It was a strange thing to say but it made her feel better to hear it. It was a fact she hadn't realized.




"They didn't know what to do next."
by AD

She was very depressed, why wouldn't she be? Her son had just died. Normal people would just weep and feel lost, but not her. She was one of the last students of the magic arts - however she had lost sight of the true ways and fallen to the dark arts. So she carefully set the date. On that day she drew the transmutational circle and gathered the materials she needed in small amounts. She had carbon, iron, salt, phosporus and a few other elements of the human body, and, in the mix, blood from her and from her husband. She felt it necessary for bringing back her son. She lit the candles and started the ritual. She was into it for a little while when she heard her husband's blood-chilling scream. She ran out horrifed to see him bleeding from missing limbs. She knew alchemy uses the principle of element exchange but didn't expect the price to be this much. They heard a sound and looked at the room she came from. They didn't know what to do next. The thing that was supposed to be her son was not even human.




http://blog.anytrip.com/ten-unusual-places-to-get-married-in-london-have-your-own-royal-wedding
"Some of us may have a lot of power in this world and others of us may have too little."
by CC

The pod hovered gently over the city as Derek observed the huddled masses below. Richard snapped some photographs and turned to Derek:  We ought to keep some kind of record for posterity."

"What posterity," snapped Derek. "I don't intend any posterity."

Well, excuse me, thought Richard. He turned back to the view and snapped more photographs. Some of us may have a lot more power in this world and others of us may have too little, he thought. Suddenly he knew what must be done. He threw his camera at Derek and knocked him out. Then he opened one panel of the pod and threw out the body. "We will have posterity," Derek, he said with finality.

"What did you DO?" cried Tom, who had been in the back of the pod. Richard picked up his camera and said, "Derek was going to kill us all! He didn't want posterity!"

"What are you saying? Of course he did. His wife's pregnant!"

"Oh," said Richard. That put a different spin on things. He threw his camera at Tom, knocked him out and tossed the body out of the pod. Then he stood panting from the effort. He just wanted to take photographs! And now he had killed two people. It struck him as farfetched and bizzarre, yet it was real. He had done it.

He took control of the pod and gently set it down in a park. Maybe he could just walk away from all this. His motives had been good, after all. He stepped out of the pod onto fresh green grass, still damp from morning dew, brief moments before the multiple megaton nuclear blast embedded in the pod annihilated half the continent.





"Every moment of every day, we have a choice."
by LD

The Shapeshifter, Shy-eeta was captured by the Calvary one sad day. She said with her eyes "every moment of everyday we have a choice - to love or be loved ".

She glanced at the two legged creature who was standing over her and she said to him, "I will be gone by sundown so do not doubt me - there will be a time when you need a ride to a better place and I will only be able to rescue the ones with the mark of LOVE that I can recognize.....

Shy-eeta AHO