Session September 9, 2017

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Hunters evidently used the cabin from time to time

by RC

The portal was guarded by two sorcerers who, strangely enough, had teamed up for this one thing: the sorcerer of night, and the sorcerer of day. This made sense, because it wouldn’t do to allow unchecked access to this kind of portal, or passageway. They had, in fact, placed a door there, which seemed to be nothing more than a single door standing in the middle of a vast deserted plain. But, looks are often deceiving, aren’t they? The moon was visible through the glass inset of this door in the daytime and the sun at night. Where did it lead? Well, the short answer is that anyone who was allowed to step through the doorway when the door mysteriously swung to the side, was transported to a cabin on a mountainside. As to where this mountain was, that was never explained, but there were strange creatures all around it. I saw them from the windows of the cabin.

Oh, did I say that I stepped through the open door when I ventured that way, lost and faint with hunger and thirst? After being told that I could go to a place where I would find food, and after the door swung out, I naturally stepped right through. The cabin was only about twenty yards away. Oddly, there was no door on the other side, so it seemed that I would never get back. There were a few empty shell casings on the ground outside the cabin, which told me that hunters evidently used the cabin from time. However, I never did see any signs of them. There was plenty of food in the cabin and water at the nearby stream. I was saved!

Thirty years later, the door suddenly appeared on my side. I must say that I was not quick to decide to use it, because I still remembered that I had been lost and starving when I’d discovered the door and the two sorcerers. Day by day the door remained and I debated what to do. There was no one at all where I was, and the creatures without kept me penned in, so finally I did make a dash for the door.

What a surprise when I stepped through and saw a shopping mall and cars and a park and all the trappings of society! I looked for the two sorcerers, but I did not see them. It was then that I noticed a carnival at one end of this town, and a sign which read “Magic door to a fabulous realm, only one buck!” And there were the two sorcerers. The door was exactly the same.

“And I just couldn’t wait. I’ll bet this one leads to a beautiful beach and lovely maidens,” I muttered, as I headed the other way. 

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In the tropics, stars rise and set near vertically.
by MD

Cuddles the cat was true to her breed - a night stalker, a mighty hunter, and a star gazer. Her home in the tropics was a feline paradise, especially at night. In the tropics, stars rise and set near vertically.

Cuddles aspired to bigger things - more impressive and challenging prey. So she set a goal for herself to one night capture one of those vertically ascending twinklers. During the day, Cuddles practiced her own straight-up leaping skills. She got better at it, but the long forward run which the leap required exhausted her, and she yearned to perfect her vertical leap from a standing position. 

She addressed this problem by consuming foods which she knew did not agree with her - lizards, beetles, the occasional rose hip. It was the puddles of spilled Dr. Pepper which really did the trick for her. The resulting flatulence produced an effect similar to rocket fuel. That night Cuddles performed her highest vertical leap ever, all the way into outer space, where she grasped the closest twinkling star and made a 4-paw landing back on earth. She never understood what had happened to her star on the way down, but she determined not to give up. She spent the rest of her days in a never-ending quest for puddles of spilled Dr. Pepper. She learned the hard way that Pepsi, 7-Up, Coca Cola or Orange Crush did not work. Only Dr. Pepper.

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"The others told me not to talk to you," she said. "I shouldn't be here now."
by RMAF

Sissy Salacious Slim, the sexiest secretary at Outer Space Imports and Exports, was a kind and curious young lady. Her co-worker was secretly dubbed by the other office workers as "Really Weird Willy" as each day he would come into work with a very different get-up on.

One morning she came into work and noticed that he was wearing a most peculiar see-thru plastic sphere on his head. Sissy Salacious couldn't contain her curiosity for longer than the first four seconds of seeing his latest get-up. She said in her sexy childish voice, "The others tell me not to talk to you, especially this morning," she said. "I shouldn't even be here now. But I thought I'd pick your brain as to why you are wearing that contraption, before that contraption does."

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Someone in the house is playing a record - or does the music come from a radio left on?
by TNT

Brian was peeved. He liked the quiet, sounds of trees rustling, the bubble of the streams that flowed. He liked the sound of his chickens cackling when they laid eggs. He just couldn't concentrate. Someone in the farm house was playing a record or was the music from a radio left on? 

The darn kid was smoking, too. It smelled awful. That was just too much for Brian. He crowed loudly and attacked the kid who smoked. No one else seemed irritated by the cigarettes. 

Now every time Brian saw the kid with a cigarette he would sneak up and peck the kid to make him run away crying. Brian also found the radio and tore its guts out. No more hip-hop! No more Rush Limbaugh programs. He could hear his chickens cackling as they laid eggs now. In victorious and majestic glory- standing on his toes - Brian crowed. 

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Looking all around we could see a mixture of paths crisscrossing the ground.
by BG

We all sat around the breakfast table enjoying the most wondering morning repast that our bed and breakfast hosts had prepared. It was such a great idea to have the whole family spend a long weekend together out of the city at this picturesque spot in the country. 

We hadn't seen each other in ages. It was good to get a chance to catch up with each other. Each of us had brought our spouses or significant others and of course Mom and Dad were here so we made an even dozen gathered around the table. We all knew each other except for our youngest brother's girlfriend. He introduced us for the first time last night. 

She seemed nice though a little quiet. We'd get to know her more during activities over the next few days. Today would be hiking. There were huge bay windows right next to the breakfast table and from where we sat looking all around we could see a mixture of paths crisscrossing the ground. So Mom hushed the chatter among us and we proceeded to vote for which path to choose to take our hike. One by one going around the table, keeping in our family tradition, we voted and Mom took notes. The new girlfriend's turn came and she said, "It's going to rain, I'm staying here." There was a little cough and a snigger. And I know everyone thought to themselves as our brother's face went crimson that she is never going to fit in here.

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She agreed, even though she felt uneasy.

By CC

They had enjoyed a late dinner in the little Tuscan village and decided to go back for lunch the next day. The trattoria was largely deserted when they arrived, but Margery pulled out a chair and suggested they just wait.

Bruce looked around at the empty street and said, “I think we’re too early. We probably look like tourists, up at the crack of dawn.”

“It’s almost noon!” she replied with irritation. “Somebody ought to be here.”

“Well, we could just go inside and see if anyone is there.”

She would rather just sit outside and wait. But Bruce wasn’t a patient kind of man. She agreed, even though she felt uneasy.

When they opened the door and stepped into the dark interior, it took a moment for their eyes to adjust. Then they saw the three men with black masks and automatic rifles standing over the bodies on the floor. Margery gulped and looked at Bruce. He was staring with a transfixed look on his face.

“Is that a Beretta AR70/90?” He asked one of the men.

“They don’t speak English,” Margery started to say but the stutter of automatic rifle fire silenced her as Bruce dropped to the floor. She felt wetness on her leg and turned to run. Then she stopped and turned back instead, unwilling to leave Bruce. They fired, and she felt the impact on her body, but there was no pain. Her body fell to the floor but somehow she was still standing next to it. She looked over towards Bruce’s body and saw him sitting on a chair nearby.

“Well, I should have had more patience,” he told her. “Now look what I’ve done.”

“You didn’t do it, they did. This was my fault. I shouldn’t have brought us back to the same restaurant. After all, we were on vacation, I should have tried something new.”

“It was a good restaurant. It wasn’t your fault.”  She nodded her head in agreement.

“What’s next?” he asked after a minute. “Aren’t we supposed to see a white light or Aunt Martha?” 

“Maybe we aren’t dead yet,” she suggested helpfully, although the bodies on the floor seemed dead enough. They heard sirens in the distance. “Guess we should wait to find out. Pity we can’t eat.”

“Have you tried?” he suggested. They got up and walked to the kitchens to investigate as the sirens came closer.