Session February 25, 2017

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_irbYwKFwj8z-18JvvgIUhAQ8ZCUfM3wTu8FelA0TUnFidHnn3bIjtQRpVLOrerSuQ1hQw9mLAOPNyBJqkwYn-Pp905wvo2pC8xpFBzOeiBB5W8m9xwfNXQb5kKbnrMXcBavee-7glqbn/s1600/april+fool+horse+limo.jpg

Enjoy fresh fruit now, because it's hard to come by in the Russian winter that lasts from mid-August to late July. 

by BG

The family is having just a wonderful time taking advantage of the beautiful weather this season. It is such a blessing to have been able to afford a new horse where all of our children can ride at one time. Boris is so pleased  that she is such a docile mare and so easy to handle. I don't have to worry one bit. 

All of our youngsters are so healthy this year. They are so happy and active. We plan to double our efforts to keep them strong while they have fun with Ivanka, their horse and newest member of our family. They want her to stay strong and well for many years to come as they grow up riding around on her and taking care of her. They tell her enjoy fresh fruit now, because it's hard to come by in the Russian winter that lasts from mid-August to late July. 

And she does. She just gobbles down the apples each child feeds her after their afternoon ride each day. It would be wonderful if the season lasted longer. I so enjoy watching the family out in the fresh, warm air. It is good for children, good for Boris and myself and good for Ivanka, our wonderful new horse!

http://cafelegi.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/kids-tea-party.jpg

The fragrant wood and oils of the camphor tree were imported from Asia.

by RMAF

The two little girls were sitting outside having a milk and cookies party with their beloved teddy bears.

The one little girl with the crocheted hat on, said to her little friend, "Does your bear talk?"

"No, not really, but I talk for her and pretend she is talking. So, does your bear talk?"

"Oh yes!" she said as she dunked her cookies into the milk. "My bear Buster came from Asia, he was educated there."

"Oh yeah? What can Buster say?"

"Ask Buster yourself." 

She turned to the brown bear, unbelieving."Okay, Buster, what can you say?"

The bear answered with clarity and dignity in his voice: "The fragrant wood and oils of the camphor tree were imported from Asia."

The little girl said to her girlfriend, "Wow! I bet you could sell Buster the Bear on Ebay for over a thousand bucks!"

http://static5.businessinsider.com/image/5047a1eaeab8ea7607000000-506-253/6-inspiring-stories-from-people-who-unexpectedly-lost-their-jobs.jpg

All warfare is based on deception.

by MD

Dear Albert,

I'm settling into the asylum - most of my fellow inmates have accepted me and they all recognize that my insistence on only wearing plaid shirts is not crazy. It's only my strong sense of "fashion correctness" manifesting itself. For sure, plaid is certainly the proper attire for the insane - it's horizontals mixed with verticals, and the variegated spaces and colors are so metaphorical for the synaptical lapses which afflict my fellow inmates. (Not me, though, of course.)

There is one new patient here who disturbs me. He refuses to wear the plaid shirt I lent him. He says it doesn't fit, but as you know, plaid can be stretched to fit anyone. 

Anyway, I've devised a plan to rid myself of his onerous presence. As you know, all warfare is based on deception. Therefore, I intend to tell him that I've ordered a new shirt for him - a plaid in just his size - and we need to accept delivery on it. I will escort him to the door, my arm around his shoulder in a most companionable fashion (it will be hard, Albert, I know, to overcome my aversion to touching, but I will force myself in deference to my cause) and when we arrive at the double doors I will push him outside and lock the door behind him. His refusal to wear the plaid shirt means he can't be part of the club here at Harbor View Home for the Mentally Exhausted. I say "good riddance" to him.

Your Friend,

Mike aka "Queen Victoria"

http://prolinkedmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/5-Mysterious-Places-On-Earth-Loch-Ness.jpg

I’m tempted to go back to the hotel, crawl into bed, and hide.

By RC

The two friends were on the trip of their life. Janie had finally made it big on the lottery, and she wouldn’t think of doing anything this big without her life-long friend, Nancy. Of course, it had to be a trip around the world. They had started with Hawaii, gone on to France, Italy, and Spain. After that, it was Vietnam, Japan. Then Australia, New Zealand, and Fiji. It was there that the trip got a little streamlined, and they skipped a bunch of places. It just seemed that the adventure went out of it.

It happened like this. Janie and Nancy went on a cruise around the islands.

Everything went splendidly at first. They saw a school of Dolphins jumping out of the water, and a little later a couple of humpback whales glided by. It was when they came across the mermaids sunning themselves on one of the shorelines that they wondered what was going on. Mermaids just didn’t exist—did they? All the other tourists excitedly pointed them out—especially the men, but Janie had a queasy feeling.

“This is down under, I guess,” she said to Nancy. “We’re still more or less on the other side of the world from good old USA.”

Later, she noticed a very strange looking ship pass them by. It looked remarkably like one of the old Viking boats, and on board—well if it was a Viking boat, she supposed that it should be manned by Vikings. Strangely, no one on board her ship said anything about that. She looked at Nancy, who merely shrugged her shoulders. The Vikings stared at them, of course, but made no effort to change their course, which was taking them into a fog—which had as suddenly appeared.

“Do you think we could have entered a time warp?” Nancy asked.

The final straw came as the cruise ship was returning to their departure point on the main island. They actually were not far away from the dock. Looking out to sea, Janie and Nancy saw a very unsettling sight. It couldn’t have been a sea monster. No, definitely they were all extinct now. In fact, it looked rather like a reef that turned into the monster only at the neck.

One of the crewmen saw their problem. “Oh, you don’t need to be afraid of our friend, Fedoras,” he said. “He likes to hang around the shore sometimes, looking for mermaids. But he’s perfectly harmless.”

They were just about to dock by then and Janie leaned over the side of the rail. When she was done being sick, she muttered, “I’m tempted to go back to the hotel, crawl into bed, and hide. In fact, I think I’m missing my husband, George already.”

“You mean, your abusive husband, George?” Nancy replied.

“At least I know what to expect.”

http://upshout.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/smiling-victorians-10.jpg

All I did was run and pray, she told them. I  prayed for mercy.

By  CC

“All I did was run and pray,” she told them. “I prayed for mercy.”  Her heart was pounding. She had tried to be so careful, but she was caught anyway. Would they believe her? She tried to look forlorn but it was a lousy excuse.

The women of the Pleasanton Society Tribunal had pondered her statement carefully. Their little group had been established five years ago by the town sheriff, who was so busy with drunks and gunfights that he had no time to deal with the juvenile crimes of ladies. There had been quite a battle determining which of the society ladies in town he could safely choose without upsetting all the rest, but eventually he settled on Minerva Johnson, Elba Moriarity and Sally Porterville. Their husbands were successful merchants and the women had the reputation for being both well dressed and level headed. They even looked good in the black judges robes he had provided for them.

But today was a little different. Today they were not well dressed at all.

“All she did was run and pray she wouldn’t get caught stealing our clothes,” said Minerva, pondering the distressing situation. We might as well put our judge robes back on.”

“Well,” said Elba, “Let’s go out looking for the clothes. She must have stashed them somewhere.”

“That’s a capital idea,”  said Sally. “But it might take a long time and this is such a dusty day. I wonder if we oughtn’t to waterboard her first just to get an idea of where she put them.”

“Good thinking,” said Minerva. “I want my gown back. That gold sateen cost Milton a fortune. I’ll do the honors.”

https://tpc.googlesyndication.com/simgad/15604654441999833941

You have two roles to consider: the poor, heartbroken bride or the angry, vengeful bride.

by TNT

Perhaps the marriage would eventually work out. But they were simply not compatible. She wanted to go to Paris and shop. He wanted to cross the great mountain chains of Peru and Bolivia on a mule train. She thought that was a horrible way to spend their honeymoon. Too bad they hadn't planned the honeymoon before the wedding. 

She admired his outdoorsy physique. He liked her silky clothes and nylon stockings with 9 inch heels. But they had spent so many evenings holding hands and kissing that they forgot the reality of their nuptials and what came after marriage - the dull everyday go to work and cook the Sunday roast. Now she had two roles to consider:  the poor, heartbroken bride or the angry, vengeful bride. 

His frown and compressed lips revealed his will. Without her knowledge or consent he booked a flight to South America for himself alone. When she found out, she made reservations for a boutique hotel in Paris to watch the fashion shows. She was of course charging it to his credit card. They parted almost amicably.