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by CT
Ah, Tao Ming - my grandfather! He stares out from the 500 yen note.
He would be so embarrassed that I know his secret. He used to be in the military, but now he does a lot of security work. He feels it's a great comedown.
He was so proud of his military service and the honor of the yen photo. Too bad the new Emperor didn't like him and banished him to this small city on the border.
Tao Ming works hard and honorably, but he had lost his sense of pride in the work.
I tuck the note into my purse. I protect his pride.
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by MD
"In France, the real estate boom in the Riviera has spelled the end of many of the great plantations of jasmine and tuberose," the television narrator intoned. But his message failed to dismay Natalie.
"Well," she said aloud to herself. "That will work out even better for me. The cost of real estate will go down and I can buy a failing plantation and realize my dream of breeding, training, and racing horses." She grabbed her horse's reins and smiled in her most beguiling way. "How do you like that idea, Monsieur Edouard?" she said to him.
"Call me Mr. Ed," the horse replied. "I think it's a great idea. Anything to get me out of show business. The public eye has worn me out."
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By CC
Sarasvati often sat in the
garden playing her guitar with two of her hands and eating Toblerone with the
others. She privately enjoyed her multiple-armed form and often shook her head
in dismay at the humans who thought they symbolized some sort of mystical
ability to multi-task. Well, she was a freak, that’s the truth, and it
embarrassed her. So she just dressed well and hung out in her garden where she
could amuse herself without an audience.
Today, however, she was expecting
a visit from her young nephew Ganesha, who had acquired the head of an elephant
several years ago, and was still trying to deal with the shock of looking like
mega freak. They were able to help one another deal with their abysmal lack of
self esteem; people said they were Gods, which just made everything worse.
Ganesha had begun eating
emotionally a few years before and was starting to resemble an elephant in his
body too. Now he was too embarrassed to even order in a pizza. He often asked
Sarasvati to open the door for him, but today she was feeling especially tired
and didn’t want to. She had read about tapping as a therapy for all manner of
emotional ills and had become something of a proponent (of course she could tap
while washing dishes or carving wooden bowls, both things she enjoyed doing).
She was teaching Ganesha how to tap, and how to receive pizza from a deliveryman
himself.
Suddenly there was a rap
on the door. “Domino’s,” a male voice called.
“While tapping vigorously
on your collarbone, yell through the door at the delivery guy to put cheese and
pepperoni through the mail slot,” she told him. Eventually the tapping would
work for Ganesha, too, but for now she would just roll out some pizza dough.
This was really going to change their lives, she was sure of it.
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by RMAF
Some tourists walking the beach reported seeing an inebriated merman on the beach in Waikiki. This cannot happen because of the tourist trade in all the swanky hotels - only the wealthy tourists are allowed to get inebriated - IF they can afford the bar tab. The Waikiki Police finally caught up with Shell Flipperman while he was sunbathing on the shore.
They asked Shell many questions as to his whereabouts on the day in question. And he told them many fibs. The Police knew his original alibi didn't remain consistent during the hours he was questioned.
But Shell Flipperman was just as much of a novelty on the beach as the young, trim girls in skimpy bikinis, so instead of arresting him for intoxication in public, they decided to accept a shellful of "liquid courage" from him. And the police stripped down to their BVDs and went swimming with the sharks and porpoises in the beautiful Pacific Ocean.
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By RC
Zachary didn’t get to
be the Grand Wizard of the Forest Seekers by accident. No, he had worked for
that privilege, notwithstanding the fact that his father had held the position
before him, because it was not hereditary. Zachery learned to communicate with
the animals from an early age, even before he could read or write. He not only
could talk with them, but they obeyed him. This was very important for the
Grand Wizard, because the Forest Seekers believed that they were all kindred
spirits—some of them even past members of the clan. In time, Zachery traveled
all over the world honing and perfecting his skill. When he found one
particularly wise animal—a white rhino—he imported him to the forest (its
location can never be revealed).
Well, the day in
question began like every other day, and no one could have predicted its end.
Sometime around noon, Zachery went to see the white rhino, who had been given
the name Aldous Huxley. Aldous did not look that well; in fact he seemed sad.
Zachery stared long into his eyes.
“How is everything in
the world today, Aldous,” Zachary asked.
“Not good, Zachery,”
Aldous returned. “Today the world will enter a global cooling period, and I’m afraid
that we might not come out again.”
“Global cooling?”
Zachery echoed. “Global cooling? I thought we were all headed for global
warming.”
“No, no, it’s definite
cooling,” Aldous insisted. “I saw how the leaves were blowing this morning, and
I know. You must get everyone prepared.”
Well, Zachery was not
one to let the moss grow under his feet, so he immediately summoned all of the
clan members and made the announcement. They wasted no time, but went and got
their wooden coats. Most people don’t know it, but wood makes the best
insulation in the forest. Then got very close together and simply meditated.
They waited, and they waited, and they waited, but nothing happened.
Finally, Zachery said,
“The people are huddled in wood coats as if it’s terribly cold.” But I don’t
notice any changes.” He looked once more into the eyes of his faithful friend,
Aldous. “Are you absolutely certain of this prediction, Aldous?” He asked.
“No, not at all,”
Aldous replied. “The leaves have all settled down, and the air is quite still.
Therefore, tell them that it’s really global warming and we must take action
immediately.”
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by BG
I listened to the amazing sounds coming out of that bone. The kid out-shined all the rest of the brass section that the Salvation Army had collected together to play this Christmas season. They were making musical holiday magic this year. Usually they had just a bunch of tired old geezers tooting on a bunch of beaten-up old instruments that they'd dragged out of their past to help them accomplish their yearly good deed. As I saw now, it is quite the contrary with the group assembled for this season's musical endeavors. Wonder how the Salvation Army managed that, I thought. They must have made an appeal to the schools to lend them some fresh talent. Well, it did the trick. The instruments, though, I zoned in on them the minute I heard the kid play that trombone and actually, I'm furious, but keep my anger close and controlled. I can't possibly say anything. He's such an amazing musician. I wouldn't want to take it away, but damn! He's playing my bone! The one that was stolen out the back of my car last year. I'd know it anywhere. And now I know it's in good hands, so I let it go and enjoy the sounds.
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