Session February 28 2015

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Martha was so upset that she crashed her grocery cart into a case of onions that rolled everywhere across the floor.

By CC

Martha’s young daughter Salome was a musical prodigy. She played the tuba, the oboe and the elephant by the time she was 5. Martha had to buy her an elephant for practice. The elephant was named Sargent Smith and was fairly good natured though he ate a lot and made huge messes that Martha really did not like cleaning up, though they were good compost for the garden she intended to plant some day. One day she tried spreading it on her lawn to see if that would help but the neighbors called the HOA office and raised an even bigger stink. She got away easy that time. Nobody questioned her when she told them she bought it in bags from the circus.

Sargent Smith developed a terrific stomach upset from all the blowing that Salome did up his trunk as she practiced, so one day Martha had to run to the store to buy some charcoal tablets. But that day the store was out. How could this be? Martha was so upset that she crashed her grocery cart into a case of onions that rolled everywhere across the floor.

She went straight home and told Salome she couldn’t have her elephant anymore. Salome cried and went to bed. Martha found a buyer for Sargent Smith on Craigslist, an elderly man named Troy Wibble, who liked to paint elephants and needed something to love. Salome got over her disappointment and went on to play tuba in the school marching band.

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"Darn it," said Bert. "My library books are overdue again. I just can't remember anything anymore."

by RMAF

"Bert the Flirt" was a wandering cad.  All he desired to do is meet new women and eat at fancy restaurants where some of his new-met lady-friends readily whipped out their credit cards to pay the bill. A life long desire of Bert's was to go visit Many Balls Beach south of Sicily, Italy, but once he finally got there he set up a camera to take a photo of his gorgeous self, he then remembered his irresponsibile nature once again. "Darn it! My library books are overdue back in Campo, California! I just can't remember anything anymore!"

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"Elvis hated his name, in general because it was tacky, but in particular because he sang rather well and was proud of it."

by AD

Elvis hated his name, in general because it was tacky, but in particular because he sang rather well and was proud of it. But everywhere he went he always had people come up to him and ask him to sing blue suede shoes or blue Christmas or do the thank you thank you very much thing which he hated to admit he did pretty darn well.

It didn't help that when he would go out to drink he would always go out to a karaoke bar and not remember a thing.

But this time things were different . after he finished singing under the influence of a couple drinks and some young woman's persuasion a old man walked up to him. . . this old man was probably the last type of person he wanted to meet in his life. He had a big belly big hair and a ridiculous all white outfit that was too tight and stained badly. "Hey there sunny boy I'm Elvis and ya got a pretty good voice that matches my look and ma image.Ya want to take my job?"

"No!" Elvis shouted at the other man and marched of with a sting of curses following behind him, Elvis drove to the airport and started looking for a rural place to get away from all the crazy beer belly Elvis impersonators he ran into and everyone that wanted him to become one. He decided  that being a farm hand in the country in Europe wouldn't be so bad so he bought a ticket and got on the plane to carry him away from this crazy life or so he thought.

The Elvis impersonator was in the same seat with him.  After talking with him painfully he found out he was a genie who was probably the biggest  Elvis fan ever having  gone to shows and steal some of his guitars. He wanted Elvis to become the new Elvis Presley and if not would curse him to where as long as he didn't sing disaster would happen. Elvis denied  him and sure enough after he got of a plane it started to snow in summer. Five months later Elvis set out to harvest his grain a horrible storm over head and a tornado in the distance. He didn't sing in that time but he still had blue suede shoes stuck in his head.

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“Packing for travel had started to make her feel anxious”

 by RC

Antoinette liked seeing places, but she definitely did not like the traveling part, especially the episodes in the airports. The very thought of strangers going through her very personal things was upsetting, and having her body scanned by xray machines was downright humiliating and an invasion of her basic rights of privacy; but taking off all of her clothes—something affectionately called “strip searching” by those who did it—was an occasional ritual which rendered her incapable of speech, movement, and all human expression; she just went catatonic for awhile. And there was that other thing she did, too.

As Antoinette packed her clothes, she hoped and prayed that this time none of the more serious stuff would happen to her. She wore her coolest jacket and the tie she loved with it; her nifty pants with the leather pads at the knees, and her combination hiking boot-and tennis shoes—footwear. They had little green splotches all over the background of silver. “Now,” she asked herself, Could I look less intimidating and like a terrorist than in this get-up?”

Oooh, she just wasn’t sure! They strip-searched little old grandmas too. What more could she do? Antoinette could feel her anxiety level creeping up. Then she sort of gave into it and it skyrocketed. That’s when it started happening again. She began to shrink and regress in age, from a twenty-four year old to about nine—she guessed, by looking in the mirror. She was never sure just how far she would go.

Antoinette slid down on the wall and squatted there, meditating for a while. Eventually, she got happy again, just like she had always been as a little girl. “It’s okay, dear,” she said to herself, in the same way her mother always had when this had happened then—only then, she had shrunk back to an infant. This was much better!

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"She slammed her foot on the gas pedal and rocketed out of the parking lot."
by BG

Pinocchio had spent so much time dreaming and wishing and wanting to be a real boy that he had really never thought in depth about what it would really be like. It seemed like it would be wonderful. Interacting with real people; having emotions; being happy; being loved. When he did become a real boy, he did experience all that. he got a real mom and real siblings and other family members, plus friends and classmates at the school he was enrolled in. As he acquired more experiences, he was introduced to the yin and yang of life, the ups and the downs of life, and he found the dark side. His family was aghast at his new interest. How could it be, that benign little Pinocchio would gravitate to negative activities? They became alarmed when he came home with a new object that he was curious about. His family suggested that they go to the park and talk about it. Pinocchio thought nothing of it and said he thought that would be fine. The park was close by and it was a nice day for an outing. They all piled into the station wagon and arrived in no time. Pinocchio climbed out of the car first. Before anyone else moved, his mom told them to stay seated. She slammed her foot on the gas pedal and rocketed out of the parking lot, all just in the nick of time too, as Pinocchio had pulled the little pin out of his newfound object - a hand grenade.

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"They both had headaches by the time it was over."
by PV

Jake was critiquing, Felix at least was good with a brush. Once the Counsel got over their inertia and decide to immortalize the town king of hamburgers, you'd think it was a slam dunk. Talk about being naive! There had to be a stickler of a geneologist involved and she was not going to have this go down in history as a series of blunders. Now good old Robbo was more than accommodating but even he was reduced to almost becoming a pacifist vegetarian. The final straw came as Felix was giving the whole thing a clear coat. Agatha in her zeal proudly informed them that the name was really spelled Rob, and had been changed on immigration to avoid any unpleasant associations. They both had headaches by the time it was over.