Session January 3 2015

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"It wasn't a joke, and they didn't find him funny at all."
by PV

After the heavy wind from the east blew in, some of his relatives and the neighborhood started to be plagued by everything. They remembered Clem being closed-mouthed about his relations - he made caricature fun of it - but it wasn't a joke and they didn't find him funny at all, despite the cacophonous cackling coming from his upstairs bedroom.

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"She scanned the list and said, "Sorry, you're not on it."
by BG

It was the New Year and Stanley sat down with his wonderful, magical black cat, Tabitha, to chat about their New Years Resolutions and plans for the upcoming twelve months. Stanley discussed how he would like to try being a vegetarian and possibly take up yoga. Tabitha noted that she just could not go along with the vegetarian idea but might try yoga. Stanley admitted that he would love to take up reading aloud to her and they both agreed that all of Lillian Jackson Braun's books would be great to share and there were enough to maybe last all year. They both admitted they wanted to do some traveling. Stanley said that a visit across country in a motor  home would be great, adding that he would like to go all the way from the Pacific to the Atlantic and named all of the places he thought would be nice to stop. National Parks, landmarks, monuments and various cities were discussed. For the most part, both Stanley and Tabitha were in agreement. When they got all the way to the places on the east coast, discord erupted. Tabitha acquiesced to visiting Sturbridge Village, a great historical village from the Revolutionary era. They both wanted to see Lexington, Concord, Boston and Plymouth Rock. They also planned to take a ferry out to visit Martha's Vineyard. However, when Stanley mentioned Salem, Tabitha hissed and dug her claws into Stanley's arm. "No," she said. "No way."  "Why?" Stanley asked with a puzzled look on his face. She blinked and a list appeared. She scanned the list and said, "Sorry, you're not on it." As he read the names on the page Tabitha blinked again, and disappeared.

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"He straightened his tie and went to the podium."
by RMAF

He straightened his tie and went to the podium. He had a story to tell to the Aggressive Associated Ghost Hunters Society of America. "While I was wandering through the southern dank woods looking for some prized truffles, I was astonished to see a ghostly girl in 1800's dark garb floating above the tall grass, coming towards me! She had piercing golden eyes - not evil, but peaceful. She was carrying a mysterious white box. She floated so close to me I'd thought she would touch me.  She said to me, "Here is the golden truffle that many people have tried to find for centuries. I give it to you." Then she suddenly vanished! I slowly reached for the white alabaster box. I cautiously opened it. There was a shining gold truffle. God in Heaven! Why me? Why would I be the recipient of such a valuable object? I must do many good things with this for many people. As I carefully picked the chunk of gold out of the box I saw a folded piece of paper underneath. I unfolded it with my free hand. The note said, "This is fool's gold. Take this to the nearest Starbucks Coffee House and you may receive a hot cup of coffee."

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“You can still do it,” he told her. “If you don’t try, you’ll always wonder.”

By RC

It was the craziest fashion show that Jack had ever heard about. The models were not going to be decked out in the latest fashions—at least, none that he could imagine a woman wearing while she walked down Fifth Avenue. It was a show to promote a strange musical named “Beards”, but Jack had no idea what it was about. He had seen “Jesus Christ Superstar”, “Hair”, and several others, but this one sounded like it would be really over the top.  Jack’s friend, Peter so wanted to try out for the show, but there was one little problem: he was a guy. However, Peter did not think of himself as a guy, and in fact wanted his friends to refer to him as “her”. And Jack had to admit that he was really not like other guys in several important respects.  Peter voiced his misgivings to Jack. “I want to do this show more than anything, but I am afraid they won’t like me.”  “What’s not to like, Peter?” Jack replied. “You have the perfect build for it, and I’ve noticed how you walk. I think you should try.”  “But, what will they say if they learn who I really am?” Peter insisted, biting his nails.  Jack chuckled loudly. “Are you kidding me? With that get-up? You can still do it,” he told her. “If you don’t try, you’ll always wonder.”

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“It’s not a level playing field,” he griped. “Get over it,” she replied.

By CC

In the Wild Animal Rescue Center, a woman stood holding an owl. “You must be kidding,” Arthur Owl said, eyes wide, as he stared at the lineup of mice on the table in front of him. “You mean I just get to hop over and eat one? No chase? No swooping down and inciting of fear?”  The mice sat dully on the table, leaning against one another as if they were drugged. Sheila knew they were. She had given them each a shot of vodka and a valium before bringing them out to the table. She felt bad about it, but after all most of them would live. She would make it up to the survivors later.  “It’s not a level playing field,” he griped. “Get over it,” she replied.  “I’ve given you a selection. That’s more than you got out there in the woods.”  Arthur hopped on to the table, grumbling, and quickly gobbled up all the mice. Sheila was horrified. She had promised them better! She had given her word! But Arthur grabbed each of them with a violent shake and then swallowed them whole. Then he burped. “WHY DID YOU DO THAT,” Sheila cried. “You weren’t supposed to eat ALL of them.”  “Tashte guud,” slurred Arthur before he fell over, his big golden eyes rolling.  Sheila went to the back room and took a valium. Then she poured herself a big drink. She grabbed Arthur and set him on the passenger seat in her car, and then she got in and drove until they were deep into the woods. Then they both passed out on the front seat. When they woke up the next morning, neither of them remembered the mice. But Arthur always had a funny feeling about Sheila after that.