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There is a fish lying
on the ground in the lower right corner.
By RC
Please don’t ask me how
I came by the picture. It was another of my clandestine adventures in
tomb-raiding and I can’t say where. However, when we first dug through into the
underground vault, we were seven men and one woman, and when we left there were
four of us, including the woman, Louis—the wife of Doctor Huxley, who,
unfortunately, perished.
You might think that
the three men were caught by cave-ins or stones suddenly moving and crushing
the poor souls. You would be wrong; they simply went out of their minds. A
strange thing for a professor, to be sure, but you know that line from Hamlet:
“Much study doth make him mad.” I think that Huxley had already started over
the hill before we arrived at our location, but it’s true that he was the one
with the magnifying glass, scrutinizing the ancient wall with its paintings.
The legend may be true, after all. The others were also up front.
You will want to know
about the pictures. I’ll detail only one of them. A young boy with four arms,
whose head was mostly hidden by a round dial containing the Eye of Horus and a
great circle running through that. In one hand he held a nine-pointed star, in
another the famous Egyptian staff with vipers, and there were several other
astrological and mythical symbols. The top of a sun graced his groin,
surrounded by stars and other symbols. In this picture also there is a fish
lying on the ground in the lower right corner, which makes no sense at all.
Unfortunately, that part must have been cut off in the copy. The strangest
thing to me, however, was what he holds in his right and lower hand. It is an
announcement of an event where the principle magicians will demonstrate their
sorcery and call up a few personages—and will also serve tea and crumpets. The
writing is in English.
Somehow, this part made
me think that we were not the first to find this vault. Either that, or time
travel had begun a lot sooner than 2046, the current thinking on the subject.
In any case, I will not be going back. Oh, by the way, I married Louis, poor
girl, who had a few other secrets of the late doctor to share with me, one of
which—apparently—is a device which can drive men mad.
Signed,
Peter Crone, December
8, 2084
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by CT
"Wll," he said, "dn't xpct sch hrd rd."
What had looked like an easy, fun ride on his bike had become a self imposed torture.
His companion eyed him with a questioning look. "What did you say?"
He ignored the question, sighed, remounted his bike, and continued up the boulder-strewn mountain.
"Btt," he said, "thy clld ths dmnd thng btt. Frggn mntn!"
His friend looked confused for a moment until he remembered. In the Hebrew alphabet, there are no vowels.
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by MD
When he first noticed the hair loss, Irving was chagrined. This will definitely affect my desire to be a male model, he thought. He answered all the hair restoring ads, and slathered himself with salves, balms, oils and unguents. His hair loss accelerated. He purchased massagers, stimulators, electrodes and vibrating brushes. Within a month, he was completely bald. In desperation, he went to the library. He inquired of the librarian about books on hair restoration. She looked at him curiously.
"Frankly, and please don't be offended, I don't think there's a book written that will help you," the librarian said. "But we do have a book on how to train your dog. I'm sure walking around with that ridiculous animal on your head is not good for your scalp....to say nothing of your neck and shoulder muscles. Let me see if I can find that book." She disappeared into the stacks while Irving re-centered the dog on his head. "I guess I'm not fooling anyone with my canine toupee," he said to his hairy-eared pet, Fifi.
The librarian emerged. "I'm sorry, the book is out," she said. "Check back tomorrow, I'll see if the book has arrived."
On his way out of the library, Irving was stopped by a man carrying a camera. "Mind if I take your picture?" he asked Irving.
"Sure," Irving replied. He re-adjusted Fifi as the photographer snapped away.
Imagine Irving's surprise when he found his photo on the Internet as he browsed for cures for hair loss.
"Fifi," he shouted to the dog on his head. "I've done it! My ambitions are achieved! I'm a male model, soon to go viral all over the world." He reached up and gave Fifi a pat on the paw, "and I owe it all to you, little friend."
When Irving brought his hand down, he was dismayed to find it covered with hair. Was it his own, or Fifi's? Either way, he was doomed. "Let's return to the library," he groaned.
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by BG
For those who are not up on their history, the name Tesla has become a household word because of the car which has appeared on the market with that same name. Aptly named, it is a technological forerunner in electric cars. Tesla, the man, was a forerunner in his era when it came to many technological advancements. For example, Tesla had successfully demonstrated wireless energy transfer in 1891. It is something many people find hard to believe that he achieved so many years ago. Recognition for his scientific endeavors is what got him into many, many history books. However, he unfortunately wanted to achieve more. He spent countless hours of his free time expending boundless energy but he was never able to complete the climb over Big Bowling Ball Rock and secure a place in the Guinness Book of World Records for rock climbing.
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The trouble began with the
invention of the light bulb.
By CC
Hiroko liked the dark. His
kind had evolved in the murk of prehistory, living in underwater caves until
they learned to breath the atmosphere and quickly invent smoking as a pastime
and energy source. They never liked the sun and would have spent far more time
underwater during the daylight hours except now their cigarettes would get wet.
So they lived in caves, smoking and, soon, drinking. Then they passed out
during the daylight hours. This went on for eons; eventually, through
inbreeding, they produced a godlike being who was more human than turtle. His
flippers and fins extended into sleek pale appendages that allowed him to hold
his cigarette better and move around more efficiently on land. They called him
Hiroko. Soon, they worshipped him. But now the world began to populate with
people who looked more like Hiroko without the shell. But Hiroko’s kind still remained
in their caves during the day. The trouble began with the invention of the light bulb.
Soon there was no more of the total darkness they needed to survive, and they
began to die off. Then he was the last one left, and he was angry. He stood up,
puffing away at his cigarette. It was time for vengeance. He walked to the edge
of his cave, squinting at the glittering cityscape pulsing on the horizon. Then
he began to walk towards its light, swinging his arms purposefully.
