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He liked to look good, liked to think he was smarter than
everyone else.
By CC
It isn’t the end of the world, Marcus thought to himself.
There are ways to handle this. He stood looking at the living room where Sarah,
his wife, hung from the chandelier by a rope. She had always been a disgruntled
shrew, shirking her duties and endlessly complaining, but he had been fond of
her nevertheless. She certainly knew how to turn the screw, he thought as he
fetched the ladder. And the photographer was coming today for their annual
portraits. At least Sarah wouldn’t be so fussy and agitated about her
appearance this time.
When he brought her down, the rope cut through her neck
completely and he found himself holding her head like a soccer ball. Her body
had already stiffened up so he just stood it next to the chair, and arranged a
scarf around the neck. He took the head to the sink and tidied it up. There was
a knock at the door. He liked to look good, liked to think he was smarter than
everyone else, but this put him to the test indeed. Setting her head down on a
towel, he quickly freshened up and then, cradling it in his hands, went to the
door. The photographer did a quick double take but figured it was some kind of
joke so went along with it. Marcus sat in the chair, holding their position for
the required time. He smiled, Sarah smiled, and the portrait was done.
After he
closed the door behind the photographer, he went back to the kitchen and set
Sarah’s head outside on the back porch. “There you go,” he told it. “Have a
good last look at your back yard. Do you see any laundry on that line? I think
not. I expect you’ve left it all for me to do.” He closed the door and went
inside where Sarah’s body still stood sentinel by the chair. He took it out
back, too, and stood it under the big oak tree for the night. With any luck
something would carry them both off during the night. He went inside and made
himself a pot of tea. The house was pleasantly quiet if a bit dusty.
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We can use the moon to work out many things with confidence.
by MD
Margaret had been a first grade teacher for only a few months when the parent complaints began to roll in. At first, the children's parents contacted Margaret directly, via her e-mail address.
"Travis says he doesn't understand anything you are teaching him," one of the e-mails read. "Shouldn't you just begin with the alphabet or simple numbers?"
Another concerned parent wrote "My little Monica comes from school babbling about co-signs and tangents, equations and the like. It's clear she doesn't understand what you're trying to teach, and frankly, neither do I. What gives?"
Margaret sat at her laptop and attempted to respond to these parents' concerns, but she felt as though she labored under a cloud, and rain was imminent. Befuddled, she decided to ignore the e-mails and continue with her self-styled teaching method, which she was sure would draw out the finest, most advanced, and truly professorial intellects among her young students.
But the e-mails kept coming, only this time with the school principal cc'd, and one afternoon Margaret was called to his office and confronted by a passel of her students' parents, lined up behind the principal himself.
"As you can see, Margaret," the principal intoned, "no one understands what you're doing here." The parents behind him nodded in agreement.
Margaret addressed the group with confidence. "Come into the classroom and see how I'm working." So the group followed her and watched as she seated herself behind her laptop with the blackboard serving as her backdrop. She smiled reassuringly.
"We can use the moon to work out many things with confidence," she said. "And as you can see by the formulae on the board here, Einstein's Theory most efficiently demonstrates that."
The principal and the parents were nonplussed by this statement, however Margaret's own confidence in what she was teaching reassured them and disaster was averted. Margaret kept her job and those same students, future class of 2032, went on to cure cancer, solve the global warming crisis, fix the world economy, and abolish poverty and inequality, and bring lasting world peace.
The final lesson is, don't underestimate the power of a determined teacher and the ability of a fertile young mind.
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Failure to thrive was never an option.
by TNT
The Shipping News
"They won't survive - they can't!" The ship sinking was devastating - the greatest cruise liner! - the most elegant people! "It wasn't the Valdez oil tanker with a drunk captain and inexperienced crew - was it?"
"Oh, no! Everything was swell. Failure to thrive was never an option. There were too many famous and wealthy people on that ship. Those kind of people always survive, thrive, always rescued first, too. They said let the crew and waiters tread water! The life boats were few and the wealthiest people paid or fought to be first in line for them."
"So what happened?"
"The life boats were on the side of the ship that sank first. No survivors!"
"Gee, I guess that means we can divide up the spoils."
"The small holes we drilled in the bottom finally burst the ship apart as it filled up with water."
"It's so satisfying to be a pirate."
"Yes, especially since we don't engage in any dangerous acts like the pirates used to."
"Yes, we're quite modern - working at the shipyards with the inferior products the corporate bosses make us use - to save themselves money and make a better profit."
"Now all we have to do is go out there and pick up the debris."
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Politicos of all stripes are only too willing to borrow trillions from future generations.
by RMAF
Politicos of all stripes are only too willing to borrow trillions from future generations. Gertrude La Hair could see this malady in her country, and the hopelessness of working for the government, and never having all her bills, credit cards and taxes paid on time. So she had this great idea of buying a boat and finding an island somewhere, and living free off the land.
The first thing she found on the beach where she landed were ancient coins, ants and clams. She was very tired and hungry. "Well," she thought to herself, "I can't eat these coins, and I don't know how to start a fire to cook the ants and clams." She sighed in desperation. "I'm still feeling helpless in my environment!"
Woe is Gertrude La Hair.
