Session June 20, 2015

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"It wasn't too late, he thought, rushing for the door."
by RMAF

From his opened storm shelter door, he noticed the the rain storm and tornado had swept away everything in view. He realized it wasn't too late, rushing to go out the door, to grab his cat and dog, his dentures and his jar of jellybeans, and say a prayer of thanks for not losing everything.

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"Did an ancient civilization once exist on Mars?"
by TNT

He turned around to look at his audience - a strange looking little man, bald with a high domed head. His friend was identical. They were most peculiar - perhaps from a circus. His friend looked as though he was smoking a cigarette but there was a long fuse on it. Was the other guy going to light it? Would the cigarette explode? People watched with baited breath. No-one moved or spoke.

Then the white-faced little man said: "We're going to go home soon. We are from an ancient civilization on Mars, in case you wondered. Our Mother said we must finish our homework. So, goodbye. Nice meeting you all."

With those words he lit the fuse and the cigarette exploded. In a puff of smoke, they had completely vanished. Astonished, everyone looked at each other and said "Did an ancient civilization exist on Mars?"

I don't know. I'm just telling you that there were some weird little Martians and I hope they got home OK. I bet their Mom was worried.

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"Lucifer fell from Heaven in a blaze of glory."
by GS

Railroad engineers from the earliest days named their locomotives. Sometimes "Old Number Nine" would suffice but soon Sassafras and Gwendolyn were adopted as well. It became a matter of pride to concoct more and more entertaining names, but one heathen engineer stepped over the line when he chose "Lucifer" for his newest diesel behemoth. Many predicted he would come to regret his choice of name, but for years nothing noteworthy occurred as Lucifer flew down the tracks. If our story could end here we would all be pleased but bored, so I will continue to the bitter end, and bitter it was. After a catastrophe of malfunctioning brakes, lights and switches, Lucifer fell from Heaven in a blaze of glory that ended against a power line next to a twenty-foot wall. There were no casualties except for Lucifer, who was too old to be repaired.

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“Why did they never learn, she asked herself before turning off the television.”

By CC

Luanne Velardi was no psychologist, but she had waitressed at the Bluebird café for twenty years, and developed a certain moxie about human nature. The news about the terrorist attacks had been all over the networks for the past week when she finally turned on her television one night after coming home from 10 hours on her feet. As a photograph flashed on the screen, she sat forward in her seat, alarmed. The talking head droned on about how this evil gang had been burning homes and cars around town, wantonly destroying the property of innocent people without a care. Luanne shivered as a photograph of them flashed on the screen. She knew they must be very angry to do this. But it was sad anyway. They just had to be developmentally disabled. They were basically so different to everyone else.

Why did they never learn, she asked herself before turning off the television. She knew every last one of them. Popeye, Mickey, Donald, Mickey Two and the Weird One. They came in early every day for breakfast, and always wanted the same thing. Mickey and Popeye liked their eggs over medium, the rest, of course wanted them scrambled. 

Everyone thought they were wearing masks. That was the sad part.

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"She worried about not settling on a religion, but none of them felt right to her."

by PV

Stephanie was in a dither. Possibly now, with her experiments in idolatry, she thought she had the answer in the past. She worried about not settling on a religion, but none of them felt right to her. Her latest test was of her latent motherhood, even developed in a four year old. Yet who would have thought she would need so much patience.  However, the Universe - being bigger than any religion - was bound to make an existential mess and continue with manifesting an earsplitting discord. It was really a lot easier with her dolls in the sandbox.

D-Day Anniversary Session, June 6, 2015

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"Nothing could have pleased him more than this!"
by TNT

It was a beautiful day for a ride. Nothing could have pleased him more than this. Mildred - his girl - was ready. She was an expert with the gears while he pedaled. He mounted a camera to the front for shots of things they might pass by. He was glad there were no horses or carriages about. Mildred hated mud and horse manure. Cobblestones were another peeve - he hated cobblestones. When he thought about the nice, smooth roads of the next century he envied his grandchildren, who would be born when roads were smooth and he imaged there would be no more horses.

Meanwhile Mildred shifted gears and they went flying down the street at 4 mph. His wheels went faster than his legs could run. This way Mildred was with him all the way and would arrive at the same time at the bottom of the hill. "Whoopie!" "There they go again!" That's what everyone would say. He was pleased and nothing could have pleased him more than this. 

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“It doesn’t taste too bad,” he told them. “And it’s very good for you.” 

By CC

Jenny was dieting again. Her husband, Phillip, tried hard to be civil, to refrain from joshing and poking fun, but this was an ongoing quest for Jenny, who had yet to lose a single pound. Phillip was pretty sure she had gained a few since her last fruitless venture in body reshaping.

Jenny went into her room, mostly to think but partly to avoid Phillip. She knew how desperate she was this time, and there was nothing to do but get down on her knees and pray for help. She went to the bed and knelt. “Help me,” she thought, realizing she didn’t know to whom her plea was directed. She had prayed to God so many times but God had apparently thought better of it and never intervened. Who should she ask? Her Higher Self? Her Guardian Angel? No. It had to be someone more in alignment with weight loss and looking better.

So she prayed to her Fairy Godmother, and all of a sudden the room was filled with diamond-bright golden sparkles as a shimmering form began to coalesce in the corner. Sparkles flew through the air and slipped under the door, which alarmed Phillip. He ran into the room to make sure Jenny hadn’t lit incense again and burned the curtains.

In a corner of a room stood a lovely woman with sparkling gold dust pouring out of her hands in a steady stream until it circulated through the room like smoke. She gave them both a wry smile, and then looked at Jenny. “Open your mouth and receive this substance,” she said to her. Jenny was so shocked she took a step backwards and looked at Phillip for help.

He opened his mouth and gulped in some of the gold dust. “It doesn’t taste too bad,” he told them. “And it’s very good for you!” Suddenly muscles rippled under his shirt, bursting out from the sleeves. Buttons shot off the front as his chest swelled in a phenomenal Schwartzenegger upthrust.

“Oh my God,” Jenny shouted, gulping in gold dust as fast as her mouth could work. She didn’t even eat twinkies this fast. 

“Take it easy,” said her Fairy Godmother.  “Phillip isn’t a middle aged menopausal woman. Even miracles sometimes take a little time.”

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"Lisa suddenly felt that her cosmetics were poisonous and threw them in the garbage."
by PV

It was a long trek up to the nunnery, and sweat was pouring off her. If only they didn't have to wear the ridiculous pointed hats! She was coming around the bend when Lisa suddenly felt that her cosmetics were poisonous and threw them in the garbage - of course it really was a masonry abominable snowman with a gaping mouth that actually looked like the trash receptacle back home. She hoped she had not been seen and marked as an aspiring American trying to transform from the Ugly American to an Enlightened Being dropped into this Himalayan retreat. She had made it - even felt like singing.

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“They decided to cut their losses and go home”

by RC

Rose and Evan were the adventurous sort of couple,  always trying things that no one else would do. So, when they heard about the giants living in the far north woods they just naturally wanted to go and check it out. Now, Rose was not the type to dress slouchy, even for a trek into the woods, and especially not for what they had in mind. She wore her nicest white dress and pretty slippers. Evan was wanting to do a photo shoot; he imagined the acclaim he would receive for taking the first photos of the family of giants—and couldn’t understand why no one had ever done so before. It cost him a lot of money to get all the necessary equipment and make the trip, but he thought it well worth it.

When they finally found them, deep in the woods, the giants were having tea. Of course, Evan jumped right in with the introductions and his idea of breaking the wonderful news of them to the world. Rose even stood up in the clearing and invited them to line up with her. However, the giants knew nothing about photography and looked on the two intruders very skeptically. This kind of thing was not exactly their “cup of tea” and they signified as much very quickly. Rose and Evan got the hint; they decided to cut their losses and go home. No one ever did quite get the picture.

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"She was leaning over the balcony to pluck a blossom when he pushed her over."
by GS

She kept trying to get up but her rear end wouldn't cooperate. Ever since she had been leaning over the balcony to pluck a blossom when he pushed her over, she had been paralyzed, though the doctor claimed nothing had been damaged. He thought she was being overly dramatic, looking for sympathy. She kept insisting she really couldn't walk.  Getting out for toilet usage was impossible so the couch suffered much damage. Plucking blossoms had never caused much distress to anyone else. Life just isn't fair, she muttered as she lay there helplessly. He was nowhere to be seen, clearly avoiding taking responsibility for his moment of male immaturity. They were a typical married couple, aside from having four legs and a tail!

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"Kirk had been a fireman for years but he didn't like the work anymore."
by RMAF

Kirk had been a fireman for years but he didn't like the work anymore, so he decided to get a job running through masonry walls to test their strength. But he got stuck on his first day on the job

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